


Her Heart Was Touched

by dorkyduckling



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-17 19:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3541556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkyduckling/pseuds/dorkyduckling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." -Edgar Allan Poe<br/>It starts with a puddle, it ends with a storm. Was it ever worth it to begin with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya y'all, this is my first go at a real multi-chapter, well written fic. I've written some before but I've never put this much effort into anything.
> 
> When I say well written, it does not mean well planned out. Things will happen as I write it.....should be fun.
> 
> Each chapter is inspired by an Edgar Allan Poe quote, so this is not for anyone looking for fluff. There will be some though, not everything can be terribly heartbreaking. 
> 
> Triggers will be present throughout this story, I couldn't tell you what all right now. A small list would include: Possibly death, suicidal thoughts/actions, drugs, alcohol, violence and just all around serious angst. 
> 
> On another note, I'm extremely proud of this piece and I hope you enjoy it :D

_"The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls." -Edgar Allan Poe_

_**it ends with a storm** _

Lightning cracked across the sky, thunder growling loudly. Rain fell in heavy sheets and blanketed anything it could touch. Dark, ominous clouds smothered any bit of sunshine that dared to try to peek out. The wind whipped whatever it could wrap it's icy tendrils around, as harshly as it could. The storm battered the city and drove the rational person inside. You supposed you were far from rational anymore. The day was coming to a close, mere hours before an inky sky would appear. It wouldn't matter much, the day was already dark enough. Night would only make it darker and the weather wasn't predicted to get any better.

You're perched atop a very large building, peering over the edge with tear filled eyes. Cars whizzed by below and a rare few were braving the weather on foot. You wondered if they had their own stories to tell. Hopefully better than yours. Cheerier perhaps. You didn't dwell long though because that was far from the reason you were there. Instead you found yourself leaning against the edge of the building, your clothes already too wet for you to care about the water collecting on the concrete. Just one more drop wasn't going to matter anymore, not with how soaked you were.

The rain had drenched so completely the wind easily bit through your jacket, but did little to the hair plastered to your head, and face. Your eyes fell on the horizon, trying to lose yourself in thoughts. As unpleasant as those thoughts were, you needed to sort them out. A siren rang out through the air as an ambulance raced down the street below. Raindrops splattered loudly on the concrete surrounding you. The only thing that broke you out of your reverie was due buzz in your pocket.

Pulling your phone out of your pocket, your breath caught in your throat. Tears left angry tracks down your cheeks, salty drips mixing with cold rain. You were dripping and you made the mistake of looking at the text. A heart wrenching sob ripped through your body. You hurled the phone off the roof in a fit of anger. Emotions battled for dominance in your head, your breath and heart erratic. Anger turned to pain, pain turned to sadness, and sadness turned to something you couldn't pinpoint. A feeling you'd never gotten quite close enough to feel. Was it hopelessness? Resignation? You couldn't tell. Everything was so conflicting and sorting it out seemed damn near impossible. 

One last glance at the sky and suddenly a thought occurred to you. You had an idea and it seemed to almost quell what you were feeling. Slowly, carefully and hesitantly you climbed up onto the edge of the roof. It was slippery and you were being careless, but that was the problem. It was at that moment you realized what that feeling was. Not quite hopelessness or resignation, maybe a little bit of both. It was giving up. You truly couldn't bring yourself to care anymore, not about yourself anyway. 

You'd always care about _her_. 

That would never change, or it would. With what you were doing it was entirely debatable. It would be selfish and hasty and everything you had fought so hard against before. Something she'd always brought out in you without even trying. You gazed down below at the people, the cars, those who still had happiness in their hearts. Or at least enough of their light to continue on. 

Then there was you, standing on the edge of a roof over some girl.

Except, not just a girl. No she couldn't be just a girl. She was your everything and your whole world. You weren't hers though, not the way she was for you. Maybe it was healthier that way. 

Then again she wasn't the only reason you were up there. No it ran so much deeper than that, which was the problem entirely. It felt like you were in a boxing match and every time you got up, you were knocked back down even harder. After while getting up was just too hard. Easier was just giving up, and wasn't that what you were doing? Nothing was going right anymore.

What would it really matter? No one was going to care, they might even be better off. This would save everyone so much trouble. No more tears would be shed, certainly not over you.  Not by her.  Maybe guilt was what was making everything so much harder. It was your fault after all, everything was your fault. You couldn't keep from screwing up to save your life.

To save your life, oh the irony.

A bitter laugh escaped your throat, a harsh contrast to sobbing you'd been doing previously. Thunder echoed in your ears, startling you. It was a miracle you didn't fall as the lightning split the sky.  For a very long time you hated storms, hated them more than clowns and the dark. Silly childish fears your mother had admonished. You should have gotten over them once you hit your teenage years, but fear still churned in your gut well into your college years. In fact that moment, standing on the ledge in the storm was probably the first time a storm hadn't scared you. Another bitter laugh escaped your lips. 

Irony was a cruel, sick and twisted mistress. 

The wind howled and you started shivering for the first time since you'd scaled to the roof. It was absurdly cold, and it was time you make your decision. Now or never, you told yourself. Making it hastily would only serve to prove a point, but you'd thought long and hard enough.  Choose. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. The crying had subsided but your chest hurt when you breathed. Another siren screamed below you, drawing closer and closer. That was it. It was your time to make a decision, a decision that would change your life forever. The words of the text burned into your brain like hot iron. 

_"I can't do this anymore"_

**Neither could you....**


	2. It Starts With a Puddle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of AOS coming on tonight, here is the second chapter a little early. It's little shorter than I thought it would be but much longer than the first. Which is good and I'm super proud of the chapter. It also went a little different than planned but it's okay, still gonna be interesting. Feels will come more into play in later chapters. Promise!

_"Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it wants. The way it stops and starts again." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

**It starts with a puddle,**

 

Skye was having a really, really terrible day. It didn't help the world seemed to be punishing her with an annoying drizzle. The drizzle had been falling for the better part of the day and if she had her way she'd be cooped up inside on her laptop. Preferably buried beneath blankets and watching Netflix. Buddy needed to be walked though, and she was the only one who would do it. 

 

Her day had started terribly enough when she slept through her alarm. By the time she did get into work, her boss' face was practically purple with anger. Even if it was his fault he'd had her up all night working on the new project. Skye loved computers, programming, and hacking more than most things. She however did not enjoy the amount of work her boss pushed onto her.

 

His claim was he was 'trying to challenge her'. She was calling bullshit, she was the only one competent in that office and he knew it. Fortunately she liked her job and couldn't bring herself to quit. Not that it was all bad, her boyfriend worked there too.

 

Miles was probably one of the few reasons she didn't hate her work. He definitely kept things bearable. There were others too, she had plenty of friends there. Not to mention she was passionate about what she could do. 

 

So no, not all bad. 

 

The rest of the day hadn't been much better though, not with her boss cranky and her work not even half done. She'd worked through lunch and been starving by the time she clocked out. An hour after she should have too. When she did finally eat she managed to spill coffee all down her favorite shirt. It was as if she'd personally offended the universe or something.

 

One person shouldn't have that much bad luck, and things only seemed to be getting worse.

 

Walking through the park with Buddy in tow was not her idea of relaxing. He tugged too hard and walked too fast. She could hardly keep up. At least the park was a pretty sight, she figured. 

 

The rain and clouds made everything dreary, but raindrops made things shine. Water dripped from flowers and leaves, the air smelled delightfully sweet. A mix between the smell of rain and the fragrances let off by the flowers. The path through the park was shiny from rain, which was actually quite pretty. Slippery, but pretty. If that was what she would get, it was a pretty decent view. Made for a more pleasant walk at least. 

 

A quiet rumble of thunder rolled causing Buddy to bark and yank at his leash. Skye, lost in her thoughts, was not expecting it and was not prepared. He took off and pulled the leash off her hand. Skye groaned in frustration as Buddy practically dove into one of the muddiest puddles he could find.

 

"You have got to be kidding me." She muttered, mostly under her breath. Buddy, seemingly oblivious to his owner's irritation, rolled happily in the mud puddle. His fur was already a chocolate brown but the mud just made it darker. He barked happily as Skye approached and sprawled onto his back. Skye couldn't help but chuckle, he was one of a kind for sure. 

 

"What am I going to do with you?" She shook her head as she reached for the leash. Apparently things were not on her side and Buddy shot up, bounding down the sidewalk. Skye was about to go after him in frustration, when she stopped to watch in horror what Buddy's actions. The dog practically launched himself at a small, proper looking woman with a camera. Skye's hand went straight to her mouth as Buddy practically jumped into the woman's arms.

 

"Buddy down!" Skye yelled, when the shock had slightly worn off. The woman had shrieked in surprise at Buddy's attack, obviously caught off guard. It was a miracle she'd kept her balance. Buddy ignored Skye and slurped at the woman, butting his nose against her hands. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if moments before Buddy wasn't bathing in a giant mud hole. 

 

"I am so sorry." Skye grabbed at Buddy's caller, and yanked him off the poor woman. Clutching the leash in her hand, keeping Buddy at bay, she surveyed the damaged. 

 

"You need to keep your canine under control." The woman snapped, he voice accented. Skye guessed British. A very pretty British woman, who was being very rude.

 

"I'm sorry, I am. I thought I had him." She said. If there was one thing she'd learned over the years, it was appeasement. "I can pay to have your clothes cleaned." The British woman, with short hair and the most beautiful eyes Skye had ever seen, ignored her in favor of inspecting her camera for damage. 

 

"There's no need, I will do it myself." British woman huffed, scowling first at her and then at Buddy. It was like Skye was responsible for everything bad in this woman's life, as if she'd thrown all the tea in the harbor during the revolution. The thought caused Skye to chuckle, startling the British woman. "What's so funny?" she demanded.

 

"Did someone throw your tea in the harbor, Britain?" Skye teased, thinking it funnier than it actually was. She was too damn pleased with herself. It wasn't really all that funny, just dumb, but it did cause the other woman's lips to turn upward in the semblance of a smile.

 

"As if I've never heard that one before." Britain rolled her eyes in annoyance. Skye could tell she amused though. How could she not be? Skye was quite the clown when she wanted to be. Even when the jokes weren't all that funny to begin with. Miles claimed her face was funny enough. 

 

"I suppose I could try to think of something more original." Skye shrugged, scratching Buddy's ears. Britain shook her head and let her camera fall to the end of it's strap, flopping against her chest. 

 

"Please don't, I must be going." And with that Britain walked off, Skye watching all the while. She didn't think she'd ever seen someone carry themselves with such confidence. Her shoulders were back and her gait held a surety to it Skye envied. 

 

"Well Buddy, you certainly make it hard to make friends." Buddy barked in amusement, his tail wagging in excitement. "C'mon, let's get you home. I'll make Miles hose you off." 

 

##################################################################################################

 

If you asked Jemma Simmons if she had a type, she would assure you that appearance meant overwhelmingly less to her than intellect. If you asked Jemma's friend Fitz if she had a type, he would say he was looking at it from across the bar. 

 

The two had shown up with a couple of their friends, a celebration of the long work week's end. Jemma wasn't much of a drinker per-say, even if she could drink Fitz and Mack under the table. She just preferred to do other things with her time, like reading at home and not having to socialize. Not that she couldn't do that too. She spent often enough out for drinks with her friends, and fellow coworkers. It made for a nice change of pace. However, she'd much rather be out with her camera. Jemma was an avid photographer, it was her favorite hobby. It ranked far above the work she did, which was her second passion. Photography would beat being sequestered in a lab any day. 

 

Getting drinks also made for a nice time to talk about her day, specifically about the gorgeous, infuriating, brunette who's dog had covered her in mud. The same gorgeous brunette she'd spotted mid sentence of said story, causing her to freeze up. Which was why Fitz was also looking at the brunette. Then the others, Mack, Bobbi and Lance were also looking. Lance whistled in appreciation, earning a smack from Bobbi.

 

"You've got good taste little one." Lance commented, rubbing at his arm in annoyance. 

 

"Debatable, she's friends with you isn't she?" Bobbi joked. Lance glared at her and Mack laughed, obviously amused over the two who were often like that. Jemma only blushed bright red, ducking her head. 

 

"She is quite pretty." Fitz agreed, cocking his head. "For a girl anyway." He tacked it on the end when Mack shot him a look. The reason Jemma and Fitz worked so well was they were both more queer than a three dollar bill. No one expected them to be together that way, just friends was good. Which was kind of a sad example of how society worked.

 

"What's her name?" Mack asked, swirling his drink in his hand.

 

"I am not aware, she's the one I was just telling you about. We didn't share our names." Jemma coughed uncomfortably, her eyes still on the brunette. The other woman didn't seem to notice the sets of eyes on her and just continued laughing with her companion. Jemma thought she recognized the man, but couldn't quite put her finger on it. Fitz did it for her though, squinting at the man in question. 

 

"Isn't that Trip?" Trip! That was it, Jemma thought to herself. He'd often visited their headquarters to visit with them. He worked in another department. 

 

"Oh then that's Skye right?" Lance commented offhandedly and they all turned to look at him, Bobbi smacking his arm again. "What?! Coulson's kid? You know the daughter he adopted with May forever ago?" Obviously no else was remembering this information and Lance just threw up his hands in frustration. He gave up. Bobbi ignored him though and stood up, jerking Jemma to her feet as well.

 

"Let's go make conversation." She announced and started pulling Jemma toward the two before the latter could protest. "Trip! Funny seeing you here." Okay, Jemma was going to go deaf one of these days if Bobbi didn't stop talking so loud. Trip and the brunette, who was apparently Skye, turned to look at them. Trip greeted Bobbi and Jemma like he would any of his friends, standing up for hugs. Skye just sat there kind of awkward with a curious gaze on Jemma. 

 

"If it isn't Britain." Skye smirked, sipping at her beer. Jemma blushed, trying to look unamused. 

 

"Bobbi, Jemma this is Skye. Skye this is Bobbi Morse." He motioned to the taller woman. "And Jemma Simmons." He motioned to Jemma, who was much shorter than Bobbi. Skye nodded in understanding, her gaze trained solely on Jemma. 

 

"We've met, in a sort." Jemma said with raised eyebrows. Skye snorted, nearly choking on her beer. Trip's face dawned in realization. 

 

"So she's the chick Buddy decided to terrorize." Trip chuckled. Jemma assumed the dogs name was Buddy, which she found a tad amusing. People always found such interesting names for their pets. 

 

"Jemma was just telling us about that." Bobbi slung her arm around Jemma's shoulders, pulling her to her side. Jemma made a face and Skye's expression flickered to something weird. She looked about ready to see something when her phone chimed and she picked it up from the bar counter. Skye frowned a little before typing in a response and returning to the conversation. 

 

"Miles?" Trip cringed and Skye just nodded, but then she turned and grinned at Jemma.

 

"Jemma Simmons, you clean up pretty nice." Skye teased and Jemma rolled her eyes. Seriously, infuriating. 

 

"Hush, I blame your dog." Jemma narrowed her eyes and Skye held up her hands in mock salute.

 

"Nah, Buddy was only trying to make a friend." Jemma just shook her head because she was not going to let Skye think Jemma was encouraging her. Even if it seemed like the other woman was going to continue anyways. 

 

"I thought Buddy belongs to Miles." Trip joked, laughing like it was some inside joke. Skye laughed too leaving the other two confused. Skye sensing Jemma's confusion decided to explain. 

 

"My boyfriend Miles, Buddy was 'sposed to be his dog but Buddy likes me better. It's the running joke."

 

"Got it." Bobbi shrugged, and Jemma couldn't help but be slightly disappointed. Skye had a boyfriend, which meant she was probably straight. No matter, she wouldn't want anything to do with Skye anyway. Still infuriating. 

 

"You guys want a drink? My treat." Skye asked, beckoning to the bartender. Okay maybe she could stay for drinks, Trip was her friend after all.

 

#####

 

Skye was straight, completely and utterly straight. She was straighter than the straightest straight person. Right? The way that Jemma made her feel was completely platonic. 

 

She was _straight_. 

 

Or maybe not. 

 

She swore if Jemma leaned in too close one more time she'd either faint or kiss her, neither of which did any favors for her straightness. In fact she was seriously starting to doubt herself. Which was not good at all because in the entire twenty two years of her life she'd never questioned her sexuality.

 

Did she mention she spent a large chunk of her childhood in a Catholic Orphanage? See, not good. 

 

"Skye?" Jemma's hand rested on her hand and _oh my god,_ she thought she was going to throw up. 

 

"Yeah sorry, got distracted." Skye took a drink of her beer to try to cover her nervousness. Jemma smiled at her, which was nice because she'd finally loosened up. Two drinks and a lot of bantering later had done them some good. Which was excellent, Skye thought Jemma hated her. Instead she'd gotten to experience that beautiful smile more than once while Trip and Bobbi were locked in a heated discussion over something. Probably sports? 

 

"I was just asking you about you. Coulson and May are your parents right? Coulson is the director of where I work." Jemma repeated and Skye almost missed it again because she was distracted by Jemma's eyes, sparkling with amusement. Straight yes, so straight. 

 

"Oh yeah, they adopted me when I was like fourteen." Skye nodded, blowing a piece of hair out of her face. Jemma smiled brightly at her, and Skye's heart fluttered a little. 

 

"Well they're both both lovely people." Jemma commented. "My parents are in England, Fitz and I are roommates." 

 

"Is Fitz your boyfriend?" Skye asked curiously, but she was pretty sure she'd heard Trip mention Mack's boyfriend before, and it was Fitz. Jemma chuckled and that seemed to be her confirmation. It was a little weird for Skye though, she was taught growing up some different things but she was learning. May and Coulson helped.

 

"Oh no, Fitz and I are just good friends. He's dating Mack." Jemma explained, taking a drink from her beer. 

 

"Right, I think Trip's mentioned that before." Skye nodded. "I live on my own but Miles is over so often it's practically ours. Can't seem to get rid of him." It was a joke and Jemma seemed to laugh awkwardly along. Thankfully, Skye's favorite song came on to save her from the weird. "Oh my god, I love this song. Let's dance." With that she pulled Jemma out of her seat to dance. Jemma blushed but joined her anyways and they started dancing. It wasn't a slow song necessarily, but Skye had Jemma's hands so they could sway together. Bobbi, Trip and Lance who had joined them, were locked in a heated shots competition. Mack and Fitz had disappeared, so it was just Skye and Jemma left mostly to themselves. 

 

It was nice, at least to Skye. Jemma seemed to relax as the song continued and they were having a nice time. Neither was a professional dancer or anything of course. Still they weren't terrible. 

 

Several songs later, and more drinks, the two were leaning against each other during a slow dance. Skye just felt warm and fuzzy, not just because of the alcohol. The only thing that broke her out of it was her phone going off. She peeled herself off Jemma and stumbled over to the counter to answer it. It was Miles of course, asking her when she'd be home. Glancing at her watch, Skye decided she really did need to be heading home. Jemma must of got the same idea because she slid a napkin over to Skye, her number scribbled on it. Skye smiled a thanks and Jemma walked off, or stumbled off, in search of her roommate and roommates boyfriend.

 

"Be there soon, Miles." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I always love feedback!


	3. And So It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I was busy today so I'm only now getting it up. I missed tonight's episode but I'll catch up tomorrow and stuff. For now just enjoy! This chapter ended up going in a very different, happier direction than intended. Oh well, nothing lasts forever ;)
> 
> Don't get too comfortable with the fluff guys! Also I tried to avoid spoiling Big Hero Six, but after watching it I wrote this and I was not okay. Jemma's feelings on straight girls are mostly mine. Story of my life.
> 
> Also Tinkerbell is my life shhhhh

_"It is but agony of desire." Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

Crushes were for children, Jemma Simmons did not have crushes. They were silly and dumb and usually ended in disaster. If high school taught Jemma anything, it was that you don't crush on straight girls. It never ended well. Not from her experience.

 

Plenty of straight girls were rude about it too, though some weren't mean. Those crushes just didn't go anywhere. Which is why Jemma refused to crush on a straight girl. 

 

Especially not on Skye.

 

Even if her heart decided to try something different. Why couldn't brains and hearts communicate better? It would make life so much easier for everyone. Particularly Jemma, who was most definitely crushing on Skye. If asked, she would deny like crazy. That was just how it worked for lesbians and Jemma was no exception. Skye was not helping any of it though, not after their dancing.

 

The two had spoken more often than not over text, about something or nothing. Skye was constantly flirting as if that was just how she was. Trip assured Jemma it was how she was with everyone. If Skye liked you, she'd probably flirt.

 

Not that Jemma minded at all.

 

In fact she enjoyed Skye's flirting more than she probably should. They bantered back and forth like they'd known each other forever. A friendship that was meant to be.

 

Nothing more.

 

That's why Jemma was headed over to Skye's place for a movie night. Friends did that all the time. 

 

"Jemma!" Skye's entire face lit up at the sight of Jemma upon opening the door. Skye lived in an apartment building, an apartment she often shared with Miles. The building was pretty nice compared to the brick monstrosity Jemma shared with Fitz. 

 

"I brought beer." Jemma grinned, unable to hide her excitement. She'd been so excited for the night. In fact, not much else had been on her mind. 

 

Oh god, she had it bad.

 

"Perfect, come on in." Skye said, grabbing Jemma's hand and pulling her inside. When they were inside, Jemma stopped to survey her surroundings. It was spacious, for an apartment. The walls were painted a light blue and covered in various picture frames. Most contained Skye, May and Coulson. A few were of Skye and a guy Jemma didn't recognize. Most likely Miles. Then there were the ones of Skye with Trip, and some of the others Jemma did recognize from work. It still baffled Jemma she'd worked for the same people as Skye and never met the other girl. 

 

The kitchen sat off from the living room, but Jemma found her eyes on the living room instead. A TV, nicer than Jemma had seen before, sat on a sleek black stand in front of a couch that stood out against everything else. It was obviously old and ratty, and very small. 

 

"It's nice." Jemma commented. Her gaze scanned the rest of the room but there wasn't much else to it. A rocking chair sat off to the side and a coffee table sat in the middle, but the place was sparsely furnished. 

 

"Thanks, my dad helped me out." Skye chuckled, tugging Jemma toward the kitchen. A pizza sat on the counter next to a six pack of beer. At least they had plenty of beer. 

 

"Well, it's nicer than where I live at least. You've got a couch!" Jemma giggled. Skye looked at her funny and she decided she should probably explain. "Fitz and I don't have a couch necessarily. We have chairs pushed together because the couch we did have got destroyed. With no money to replace it we just improvised." 

 

"How long ago was that?" Skye raised an eyebrow. 

 

"Too long." Jemma admitted and the two dissolved into laughter. With that the two moved the pizza and beer to the coffee table, and Skye turned on the DVD player. Jemma opened two beers and handed one to Skye.

 

"Why thank you." Skye winked, sipping at her beer. Jemma blushed, ducking her head to drink and not make eye contact. 

 

"So, what are we watching?" Jemma asked. Skye grinned before hitting play. 

 

"Just wait." Skye opened the pizza box, taking out a slice. "You're going to love it." Jemma trusted Skye's opinion so she leaned back to watch. When the movie title flashed, she couldn't help the smile that broke out across her face. 

 

Big Hero Six

 

"I wished to see this movie, but I've been so busy." Her voice pitched higher in excitement and Skye laughed. 

 

"I knew you'd be psyched, just keep that in mind. I've been told this movie plays with your emotions." Skye bit off a piece of her pizza and waggled her eyebrows. Jemma giggled, looking at Skye curiously and reached for a slice of pizza for herself. Jemma had heard lots of good things about the movie. She'd been jealous of Mack and Fitz who'd seen it when it came out. This was exciting.

 

Until they got to a certain part of the movie Jemma refused to even acknowledge as okay. She was blinking back tears as she watched Hiro grieve. NOPE, not okay. Skye also seemed traumatized, staring at the screen in shock.

 

"Did they just..." Skye trailed off. Jemma took her hand and squeezed it for comfort. It wasn't just for Skye, but Jemma too. Physical contact and compassion did help with sadness.

 

"I'm pleasantly surprised at the accuracy of the science in this move." Jemma mentioned off handedly, wiping at her eyes. Skye burst out laughing, clutching at her sides. Jemma wondered if she'd started drinking before Jemma even got there. Skye must of noticed the look on her face because she sucked in a few deep breaths.

 

"I'm sorry it's just, I just had my heart ripped out of my chest and you're talking about the science." Skye gasped, falling into another round of laughter. Her laughter was infectious and Jemma couldn't help but join her. Of course they missed like ten minutes of the movie and had to rewind, but nevertheless it was nice. Jemma couldn't remember a time she'd laughed so hard. 

 

"Sorry, I use science to cope." Jemma admitted when she could breathe again. 

 

"S'fine, I think it's adorable." Skye winked and if her face turned bright red, Jemma didn't notice. 

 

"I'm glad I bring you such amusement." Jemma made a face and Skye scrunched up her nose in response. It was a cute face Jemma wanted to see again. "You were right about the movie though."

 

"Yeah, hopefully it gets better." It was a great movie and it did get better. The two of them gravitated closer throughout the movie. They shared a blanket and cuddled. It was nice.

 

Until the end.

 

Hence Jemma crying in Skye's arms at eleven at night because the scientist couldn't cope with how many emotions the movie invoked. Skye crying right along didn't help. In fact the two were basically a mess. Jemma doubted the beer helped at all.

 

"I loved it." Jemma declared, sniffling and wiping furiously at the tears. Skye chuckled a little, wiping at her own tears.

 

"Yeah, me too. Better than I thought it would be. Sadder." Skye admitted. She stretched back against the couch before grabbing the DVD remote. She shut it off and turned on Netflix instead. "Which calls for ice cream and some terrible chick flick on Netflix." Jemma made a noise of protest as Skye untangled herself from the smaller woman, and walked into the kitchen.

 

"Does it have to be a chick flick?" Jemma frowned. She'd much rather watch a comedy or horror film. Or an adventure. Something that would not make her cry. 

 

"Nah, we can watch whatever." Skye returned with a carton of ice cream and two spoons. She handed it all to Jemma and then started scrolling through her queue. They actually settled on Tinkerbell after a lot of bickering.

 

According to Skye, everyone loved Tinkerbell and if Jemma didn't, there was no they could be friends. Secretly, Jemma loved Tinkerbell but teased Skye anyway. How can you not like Tinkerbell?

 

"Tinkerbell is what childhoods are made of, Jem!" Skye looked absolutely horrified. For her part, Jemma tried to look offended. Key word tried. Mostly she was giggling at Skye's serious defense of the beloved movie.

 

"A child's movie Skye." Jemma reminded her. 

 

"That's the point! We just watched a children's movie. Tinkerbell is a classic and all the movies are gold. This isn't right." Skye continued, her face and hands very animated. Insanely adorable.

 

Jemma, stop that.

 

"If you insist." Jemma conceded. She was worried Skye would freak if she continued anymore. Skye pouted and made a big show of starting the movie. Absolutely infuriating, just as Jemma remembered. That hadn't changed. 

 

"You're going to love it." Skye insisted and pulled Jemma closer. Jemma burrowed into Skye and sipped at her beer, settling to watch the movie. Skye picked up the ice cream and dug in, scooping a large spoonful into her mouth.

 

"Your manners are atrocious." Jemma shook her head in amusement. Skye stuck out her tongue, scrunching her nose again. 

 

Tinkerbell proved to be a much better choice of movie, at least emotions wise. Sure enough, Jemma loved it too which made Skye smug. Jemma just wanted to kiss that smug smile off her face.

 

Jemma, stop that.

 

"Told you so." Skye laid the half empty carton of ice cream on the coffee table, next to the empty pizza box and beer bottles. The two had definitely made a dent in their stash. 

 

"Hush." Jemma stuck out her tongue this time, laughing at the face Skye made. 

 

"It's a good thing you liked it, because Netflix has three more." And with that Skye turned on yet another Tinkerbell movie. Jemma giggled, snuggling into Skye's side.

 

Worth it, so worth it.

 

Jemma couldn't remember if they fell asleep during the third or fourth movie, but at some point they drifted. Miles ended up waking them up the following morning, afternoon, whatever. 

 

More like he scared the hell out of them because he didn't realize they were sleeping on the couch.

 

"Fuck off, Miles." Skye hurled a pillow at Miles head. She nestled back into the little nest of blankets Jemma and her had created. Jemma was too busy trying to slow her hammering heart to go back to sleep. She definitely didn't take being startled well.

 

"How was I supposed to know you and your _girlfriend_ were sleeping in your love nest." Miles rolled his eyes and threw the pillow back. Jemma's heart only hammered on. 

 

"Why are you here?" Skye grumbled, narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend. 

 

"I was picking up Buddy's food. I don't have anything at my place." Miles lifted up the bag of food to make a point. "I can see why you wanted me to take him though. She's hot." He gestured to Jemma who felt her face heat up. Skye launched another pillow and stretched. 

 

"You don't have food for _your_ dog at **_your_** place." Skye slowly rose to her feet, glaring at Miles. "Besides, Buddy and Jem didn't start out on the best of terms." She smacked him upside the back of the head as she made her way to the kitchen. 

 

"Oh?" Miles seemed to want more of that story but Skye ignored him.

 

"Coffee?" She directed the question at Jemma.

 

"Oh no thank you, I prefer tea." Jemma declined politely and Skye snorted.

 

"That is so British." She giggled as she pulled out a box of tea from the cabinet. "But we have that too." Jemma couldn't help but smile, not many people kept tea in their homes. Not in America. 

 

"Thank you, Skye."

 

"No problem, Britain." Skye winked. 

 

############

 

Skye loved Miles, a hell of a lot. The two had been friends for what seemed like forever and in a relationship for a while. The two just worked so well.

 

Unfortunately, Skye found herself wanting to spend less time with her boyfriend and more time with Jemma. Which was definitely not good. Not good at all. It was starting to occur to her she might have a thing for ladies as well as men. If it were anyone but Skye maybe that would have gone over a little better, but Skye was freaking out. 

 

She had a solution.

 

What do you do when you need help and your friends are not that help? You go to your parents. They'd put up with Skye's crises on more than one occasion before. Maybe they could help her with the most recent one. Yeah, that would be good. Dinner would be a perfect time for that conversation.

 

Or not so much.

 

If her dad choking on his green beans or her mom dropping her fork were any indication. Okay maybe she should have been careful with the shock factor. Blurting out, "I like a girl" in the middle of relatively normal dinner conversation was a less than stellar plan. Skye really needed to work on her plans. 

 

Seriously, she was a hazard to health.

 

Coulson liked to joke he didn't start getting grey hair until they adopted Skye, but was he really that far off? Skye had the subtlety of a hand grenade.

 

"You...what?" Coulson gasped when he'd managed to stop choking. 

 

"There's this girl and I really like her a lot. Except that's weird because girls and I'm a girl and I have a boyfriend. Which for some people isn't weird but it's weird for me because I don't exactly know a lot of positive stuff about that." Skye rambled, wringing at her hands nervously.

 

"Skye, deep breath." May interrupted. She'd managed to put on her unreadable mask again. Impressive. Skye complied and took a deep breath, her eyes darting between her parents. 

 

"Sorry." She mumbled, running a hand through her hair. May took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

 

"We will love you regardless." Coulson said, taking her other hand. "You're still our daughter no matter what. It does sound like you have some things to think over, but none of it sounds bad. Even if you're with Miles, people fall out of love all the time."

 

"Your father is right, maybe you're bisexual or maybe something else. Labels aren't everything." May squeezed again, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I think you'll figure out what's best for you." Skye made a small noise mixed between relief and pain, practically launching herself into May's arms. May held her close and Coulson moved to hug the two of them.

 

Skye was sure that no one was too old to need their parents. Plus she felt she deserved a little leeway considering she'd gone so long without them before being adopted. Her parents were the most important people in her life. She loved them so much. Their unconditional support and guidance only reminded her why.

 

Hence bursting into tears in her parents' arms. May and Coulson just did their part to hold her and comfort. That was what parents did after all. Good parents anyway. At least that's what Skye had decided once she got them. 

 

"Are you going to tell us about this girl?" Coulson teased once Skye had finished crying. Sniffling, she took a tissue from May and cracked a smile.

 

"She's just....wow. British and proper and funny and so sweet." Skye rattled off, her eyes lighting up. "She works for you guys."

 

"British? You mean Simmons?" May asked.

 

"Oh I like Simmons, she's a hard worker and good at what she does." Coulson smiled fondly.

 

"I don't know what it is, but I feel different with her. Better than I ever have with Miles." Skye sighed, a frown etching itself into her face. 

 

"Then maybe you should try, take a leap of faith." May offered. Skye chewed on her lip in thought, unsure of what she thought about that. Her childhood had been filled with conflicting messages. She really did like Jemma.

 

She just didn't know how she felt about being gay, or bi or anything but straight. 

 

Why did it all have to be so confusing? She just wanted to be happy and she thought she had that with Miles. Maybe not anymore.

 

"We just want you happy, Skye." Coulson added, rubbing her back soothingly. Skye took a deep breath and made a decision. At the very least she needed to break up with Miles.

 

Soon.

 

That would solve one problem. Make her feel better if things with Jemma progressed. As for Jemma herself, she was going to let things happen as they happened. No plan necessary. She preferred things that way.

 

"Thank you both, really." Skye hugged both her parents again and returned to her seat. "Now how about finishing dinner." She grinned, causing May and Coulson to laugh.

 

After dinner, when Skye was sitting in her car, she stared at her phone. It took time for her to dial the number she'd had memorized for a long time. Her stomach flipped and churned, a voice in her head screamed that this was a really bad idea.

 

Very, very bad.

 

There was a noise and Mile's voice poured through the speaker.

 

"Skye?"

 

"Can I see you? We need to talk."

 

###########

 

Jemma walked into the bar, wanting nothing more than to relax. The day had been overwhelming and a drink seemed like a perfect idea. It would at least ease the tension in her bones. Besides, the bar had an air about it that never failed to make Jemma feel safe. The rest of her friends had declined the bar, each citing their own plans. Jemma decided alone wouldn't be so bad. Possibly even better.

 

Was the universe out to get her? 

 

Skye sat at the bar, nursing a drink that was about half full. She seemed slumped over and resigned over something. Against her better judgement Jemma made her way over, taking the seat next to Skye.

 

"Hello." Jemma smiled gently, hoping to cheer the girl up. Skye grinned at Jemma, chuckling quietly.

 

"I was just thinking about you." She commented. Jemma raised an eyebrow as the bartender took her order. When he had left Skye continued. "Just that this would be better with you, I'm bored." 

 

"Oh well, I'm sure I can try." Jemma giggled, taking her beer from the bartender. The bartender gave them both a quick smile before returning to his work. Skye hummed in response, swirling her drink around the bottom of her glass. 

 

"Miles and I broke up." She blurted out before she thought better. Jemma's eyes widened in surprise. She was shocked. A little voice in her head reminded her this meant she had a chance.

 

Jemma stop that.

 

"Oh I'm sorry, Skye." Jemma patted the other woman's hand reassuringly. Skye looked at it with an unreadable expression before downing her drink.

 

"It's fine, long time coming. I'd rather not think about it. How about a shots competition? Bet I can beat you." Skye teased, changing her tone and the subject quickly. Jemma scrunched up her nose a little. Maybe a shot competition wasn't the best idea. In fact she was pretty sure getting sloshed with Skye was the definition of a bad idea. 

 

Did she care? No.

 

"You wish! I could drink you under the table." Jemma grinned. Skye wiggled her eyebrows and ordered a round of shots. 

 

"I guess we'll find out." Skye challenged, handing the shot glass to Jemma. The two clinked their glasses before downing their first shots. No, this did not seem smart at all.

 

Five, or was it six? Too many shots later Jemma had totally forgotten that it was a really terrible idea. She was too busy laughing at Skye's really really bad puns. 

 

Really bad.

 

Fortunately if you're drunk enough just about everything is funny. Including and not limited too, terrible puns.

 

"What do you call a dinosaur with a big vocabulary? A thesaurus." Skye slurred, cracking up over her own pun. Jemma joined in, finding it absolutely hilarious.

 

They were absolutely plastered.

 

"Where did y'get all these puns?" Jemma asked, tipping back yet another shot. Skye shrugged leaning in close to Jemma.

 

"S'a secret." Skye whispered, comically loud. Jemma leaned against Skye to keep herself upright. She was laughing much too hard to do it herself. The bartender was giving them a side eye, trying to keep his eye on them. Rowdy and drunk as hell only began to describe the two women at that point. 

 

"I like pick up lines." Jemma admitted proudly. Her smile stretched across her face as if it was ear to ear. Skye jumped up and almost fell, excitement filling her.

 

"I know those too!" Skye leaned against the bar, trying to be smooth. Well, she tried. Drunk did not make things very smooth. "Are you a camera? 'Cause every time I look at you I smile."

 

"Skyeeee!" Jemma shrieked, a blush heating up her cheeks. Skye just looked smug, and winked at her friend. 

 

"I'm not drunk, I'm drunk on you!" Skye nudged in closer to Jemma who was beet red. 

 

"You're good at this." Jemma giggled, ducking her head. If Jemma were not drunk, maybe she would have recognized this was not going anywhere good. In fact this was why it was a bad idea all around. "Oh I got one! You're so beautiful I forgot my pick up line." Skye laughed, and then did something that she'd regret in the morning. 

 

She kissed Jemma.

 

Who most definitely kissed back, which was a very bad idea. The two leaned in close and Skye captured Jemma's lips. Arms wrapped around Jemma's waist and she tangled her own hands in Skye's hair.

 

Jemma stop that.

 

They only pulled away when the bartender awkwardly coughed, Jemma ducking her head, still giggling. Skye's face was flushed and her expression was a little weird. 

 

"Wow." Was all she could manage to articulate. They both seemed a little more sober, but not by much. Skye was just grinning like the cat that ate the canary. Jemma looked into her eyes and she could feel herself falling. Had she known then that so much pain was in store, she would have walked out then. Never looked back. They say hindsight is 20/20, but maybe everyone is just blind in the moment.

 

If you never try, how could you know? Was it worth it though? Most would say some happiness is always worth it. If you asked Jemma farther down the line, she wouldn't be sure. Of course there were signs, she just didn't see them

 

"What was that, Skye?" Jemma asked after a few moments of quiet. 

 

"I like you a lot, that's why I broke up with Miles." Skye paused chewing on her lip. "I just don't know how this is going to go. Never been with a girl before." Jemma took her hand and squeezed it, a smile playing across her lips. 

 

"That's okay, I'll help anyway I can." Instead of answering that, Skye kissed her again. It was different the second time, filled with a lot of emotion. There was something Jemma couldn't quite put her finger on, but she ignored it. 

 

"Come over?" Skye mumbled, pressing a kiss to Jemma's neck. Jemma just nodded and Skye pulled her off her seat, tugging her towards the door. 


	4. Before Things Go Wrong

_"There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

Skye blinked her eyes open, heavy lids and a dull ache in her head proving that was a bad idea. Hungover didn't begin to describe how she was feeling, but her immediate concern was the warm body wrapped around her. A head of curls lay on Skye's chest, it's owner still sleeping soundly. Skye was alarmed a moment before the previous night came flashing back.

 

She'd slept with Jemma.

 

Snuggling closer, Skye resigned herself to staying right there. Jemma was too beautiful to disturb. The light from the slits of the blinds streamed in, leaving bright trails on the shorter woman's freckled back. Her hair seemed to bask in a halo of light. The most beautiful thing Skye had ever seen. 

 

Except, Jemma was a woman. Skye had never slept with a woman before, only men. Really it was mostly Miles. Not the most promiscuous person ever for sure. In fact Skye wasn't much for drunken encounters. It had been an exception, not just a first. Skye did find herself wanting to be able to wake up to Jemma in her bed everyday. 

 

The problem was, Skye had no idea how she felt about being gay. Or bi as her mom had suggested. The whole thing was so surreal and weird. Skye had never been interested in women before, not really. There had been an appreciation of course. Most women held the same appreciation for women in general. They were more likely to admit that a fellow lady was attractive than a man would be about another man. Skye hadn't really been one of those people, but there was one thing she decided.

 

There would be no coming out. 

 

She just couldn't do it. At least not until she was more comfortable with things. If that ever happened. 

 

"Hello." Jemma murmured, raising her head to smile at Skye. Her eyes were only half open, still heavy with sleep. 

 

"Hey." All previous thoughts rushed out of Skye's head as she broke into a smile at the sight. Jemma was so beautiful. Breathtaking. 

 

"How're you feeling?" Jemma moved off of Skye and raised herself up on her elbows. 

 

"Hungover as hell." Skye chuckled, tucking a piece of Jemma's hair behind her ear. 

 

"I thought you might say that, I imagine your alcohol tolerance is quite low compared to mine." Jemma teased, leaning into Skye's touch. God, how had she gotten so lucky? A stunning, British woman was in her bed without any clothes.

 

A woman, she cringed internally. Getting over that was going to be harder than she'd thought the previous night. Her intoxicated self had just thrown caution to the wind. Sober, things were being tripped over in her mind.

 

"My alcohol tolerance is just fine." Skye rolled her eyes, secretly amused. Jemma laughed and Skye's heart soared. 

 

"I'm sure it is." She pecked Skye's nose. Skye tickled her sides, causing the shorter woman to squirm and wriggle. "Sk-ye!" Her breath hitched as she squealed with laughter. Skye continued relentlessly, laughing along. 

 

"What's the magic word?" Skye asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly. Jemma ignored her and launched in for a distracting kiss. It worked and the two kissed, tickling forgotten. "That works too." Skye grinned when they pulled away, a small shrug. Jemma beamed proudly.

 

"I win!" Jemma chirped. Skye rolled her eyes, leaning back into the bed. Jemma snuggled closer and things fell quiet. "Skye, what does this mean? For us, I mean." Jemma was the first to break the silence. 

 

"What do you want it to mean?" Skye countered, gnawing on her lip.

 

"I really couldn't tell you, I do know I quite fancy you." Jemma admitted, gazing up at Skye.

 

"I think..." Skye paused, intertwining her fingers with Jemma's. "I want to try this." She raised their intertwined hands to kiss Jemma's hand. 

 

"You do?" Jemma's voice was a mixture of hope, shock and even trepidation. Skye nodded, locking eyes with Jemma.

 

"I do. Like, I really like you. I've never done this with a chick before. But I want to! I just don't know if I can do the whole coming out thing. Not when I'm not sure." Skye frowned, guilt edging into her mind. 

 

"I would never ask something as serious as that, or force you into anything." Jemma assured. "Just having you to myself would be more than enough." Skye had a bad feeling about it, but she was also relieved. Jemma was so understanding. Maybe she could do it after all, and one day show Jemma off. 

 

That thought scared her more than anything.

 

"Does that make you my girlfriend then?" Skye changed the subject, squeezing Jemma's hand.  

 

"If that's what you want?" Jemma shrugged, blinking up at her. Skye broke into an ear to ear grin before she pulled Jemma in for a kiss.

 

"That's sounds unbelievably perfect. How did I get so lucky?" Skye said when she'd once again pulled away. She did feel lucky but there was a churning in her stomach. A feeling she couldn't quite pinpoint precisely. It was strange. Sure there was so fear but there was something else. It felt almost like.....

 

Dread.

 

#######

 

If there was one way for how Jemma felt, it was surreal. How could she have ever imagined she'd end up with someone like Skye? The whole thing was almost like a dream. Sure, it wasn't the perfect situation. There would be no showing off her girlfriend or anything like that, but she had gotten permission to tell Fitz. He was her best friend after all.

 

"I thought she was straight." Was definitely not the first words she expected to come tumbling out of his mouth. The two were sitting at a coffee shop a block away from the home they shared. It was a quaint little place and relatively empty most of the time. Perfect for the two friends regular meetings.

 

"Fitz!" She squeaked, a frown etching itself into her features. 

 

"Sorry." Fitz sighed, sheepishly rubbing a hand over his neck. "I didn't mean to assume." Jemma just sighed too, understanding the confusion.

 

"Bisexuality exists, Fitz. That's what the B is for. If Bobbi heard you she'd probably slap you. Or even Mack! You are dating him after all." Jemma rambled and only stopped when Fitz put his hand on hers.

 

"I know Jem, I should have known better. I'm happy for you." He assured, a smile on his mouth. A smile tugged at Jemma's own lips. She could never stay mad at him for long, over anything. 

 

"Thank you." She said, his hand squeezing hers. "It's okay, I just..... She's not comfortable being out about us and maybe I'm a little insecure, I suppose." It was hard to admit it, and Jemma wanted Skye to be happy, but she'd had bad experiences in the situation. 

 

"Oh well I'm sure you two will do well in spite of that, not everyone is comfortable at first." Fitz offered her one of his special smiles. One of ones that always served to make her feel much better. 

 

"Thank you, Fitz." Jemma smiled back, feeling better.

 

"How about we celebrate your newfound relationship with a Doctor Who marathon?" Fitz asked hopefully. Jemma laughed, rolling her eyes in amusement. Fitz loved to find any excuse for a Doctor Who night, not that Jemma was really complaining. She loved the show and didn't mind rewatching episodes with her best friend. 

 

"No Mack tonight?" Jemma asked curiously. 

 

"No he's out with friends, but never you mind him. This is about us and your good news." Fitz tugged her up from her seat. "I bet we have cookies somewhere in the cubbards too!" Jemma allowed herself to be dragged from her seat, snatching up her cup to deposit in the trash. Fitz could always help her take her mind off of things. 

 

She just couldn't shake the nagging feeling in her gut about Skye's behavior. The two had discussed things but it seemed almost....incomplete. Like things weren't completely resolved. She wanted to be a supportive girlfriend, she did. That meant she'd give Skye the time she needed. It was still a new relationship. It wouldn't be perfect of course, but it was still good. Skye wasn't ashamed, she couldn't be. Just new to things, that was all.

 

One day Skye would want to go public, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot shorter than I intended but life has been in the way. Don't worry, next week will more than make up for it. Lots of fluff next week too, before everything goes to hell. This chapter is just a shit ton of foreshadowing but I hope y'all enjoy. Just be happy I didn't try to write anything after the train wreck I just witnessed ;) Some of this chapter is a little weird though thanks to sleep deprivation. I'm sorry about that
> 
> On another note, what do y'all think so far?


	5. The Calm Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter guys. It's pure fluff cause everything is going to go to Hell, but I worked really hard on this chapter. Like I procrastinated so bad too X'D. It's a hella chapter though. I've never been to Coney Island in New York, google helped me out.
> 
> My tumblr friends helped a lot too, they're great and I love them. This chapter may be riddled with errors even if I check it over (which I did). Cause I'm sick and wrote the entirety of this thing in like an hour time crunch. There's also lots of foreshadowing, bonus points if you catch it ;)
> 
> On that note, please enjoy, I know I loved writing it. It's half-ish way through, hence the bold thingy. Symbolism, I love it
> 
> I almost forgot! There's a time lapse between the last chapter and this one of 6 months. Mostly for the sake of my sanity, nothing huge happens in those months soooo

_"It is happiness to wonder; it is happiness to dream." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

**The calm before the storm...**

 

Jemma couldn't believe how happy she was. Things were starting to look up in every way possible. Skye was wonderful, work was wonderful and the weather had cooperated enough that she could take some photographs. Beautiful photographs of landscapes, animals and even people. Jemma was feeling more inspired than she ever had before.

 

Perhaps that's why the idea struck her in the middle of capturing a photo of the rising sun. Pulling out her cell phone, she snapped one more photo and dialed Skye's number. The two had officially been dating for almost 6 months. 

 

"Mmm, hello?" Skye's sleepy voice spilled out of the phone. Right, it was early and Skye didn't have to be up yet. 

 

"Sorry to wake you, love." Jemma cringed, glancing at her watch.

 

"You can wake me any time, Britain." Skye teased. She at least sounded more alert on the sentence. "What can I do for ya?" 

 

"How would you like to take a trip this weekend? Leave Friday." Jemma snapped a picture of a squirrel peering down at her. It was one of her favorite parts of being a photographer. Nature was such a beautiful and magical thing. 

 

"To where?" Skye asked. Good, she sounded interested. 

 

"A surprise?" Jemma offered, a mischievous glint in her eye. Skye's low chuckle poured out of the speaker, sending shivers down Jemma's spine.

 

"Sounds good to me. Anything specific I should pack?" Jemma could hear the grin in Skye's tone. Talk about some trust. 

 

"I'll let you know." Jemma laughed, wanting to stay mysterious.

 

"You got it." Skye said, and Jemma thought she was going to swoon. It was ridiculous how Skye made her feel so amazing. The last six months had been the happiest of Jemma's life. Sure, they had their rough spots. Like the fact Skye still refused to tell anyone about the two of them. It had started many fights between the two, but Skye always won out. Not that Jemma really minded that. She just wanted to be a supportive girlfriend. Not everyone was ready at the time. Fitz was growing wary of Skye's reasoning and inability to go public. He didn't think it was healthy for either of them. Jemma and him fought plenty as well, especially when he found out he was the only friend of Jemma's whi knew and he couldn't tell Mack. He told Mack everything. 

 

Jemma just ignored him though, his relationship wasn't perfect. Skye and Jemma were perfectly imperfect. Things were going along at a pace they were comfortable with. Jemma had never had a relationship last so long. Besides, it wasn't like they didn't have fun or go out together. Skye liked the movies, Jemma liked the park and they both loved cheesy diners. More often than not they were together at Skye's watching Netflix, or even playing video games. Skye was scarily good at Mario Cart but Jemma was the best shooter.

 

A trip was just what they needed though. Somewhere no one knew them and they didn't have to hide their hand holding. Just the two of them having fun, and Jemma had the perfect idea. Bobbi had talked about the whole group going together but they never managed to do it. Jemma had Friday off, so why not make the best of it?

 

Coney Island would be there safe haven. 

 

########

 

Skye fidgeted restlessly for what must of been the hundredth time. They'd been in the car about two hours and Skye had grown extremely bored.

 

"Jemmmmmmmm!" Skye whined, leaning her head on her girlfriend's shoulder. Jemma sighed, her eyes focused on the road ahead. 

 

"Yes Skye?" Jemma asked patiently. Skye blinked up at Jemma innocently, a small smile in place.

 

"I'm bored, I request entertainment." She announced firmly. Jemma chuckled, smiling at the taller woman. 

 

"What happened to the books you brought? Or your laptop?" Jemma raised an eyebrow. Skye smiled at her sheepishly.

 

"My laptop died and I'm bored of the books." Skye pecked her cheek in hopes of swaying Jemma. Jemma side eyed her suspiciously, knowing exactly what her girlfriend was trying to do. Unfortunately she didn't feel like listening to another two hours of whining.

 

"Why don't we stop off for something to eat?" Jemma offered. Skye's face lit up excitedly, very puppy like in her joy. Jemma just smiled in her amusement and waited to pull off at the next exit. They found some place relatively empty and Skye bounded in like a kid at a candy store. Jemma just followed along and laughed at her antics. 

 

"I'm starving!" Skye announced as they were seated. 

 

"We ate before we left!" Jemma raised her eyebrows. Skye grinned sheepishly before picking up her menu. 

 

"What can I say? I'm a bottomless pit." Skye winked. Jemma rolled her eyes playfully and picked up her own menu. Skye was happy to be out of the car. She wasn't good about being in stuffy spaces and sitting for long periods of time. There had been far too much of that in her early years. Foster parents expected her to be on her best behavior, but she was a born trouble maker. She liked having fun. 

 

"Why am I not surprised?" Jemma commented as the waitress appeared to take their orders. Skye let Jemma order and then ordered her own. The waitress reappeared shortly after with tea for Jemma and coffee for Skye. 

 

"You are so British." Skye giggled, sipping happily at her coffee. 

 

"I believe this is a conversation we've had before." Jemma teased, sipping at her own beverage. Skye shrugged casually. 

 

"I mean when we first met I did say something about tea in the harbor." She reminded her girlfriend. Jemma paused in thought before nodding at the memory.

 

"Yes, I do remember that. You were infuriating, still are." Jemma said. Skye stuck out her tongue  and Jemma mirrored her action in retaliation. They then started making various faces at each other before dissolving into laughter when the confused waitress appeared with their orders. 

 

It was times like that Skye forgot about her fear. Just being with Jemma made it worth it and with no one she knew around, she could be herself. Jemma seemed more at ease as well, striking a pang of guilt in Skye. She felt bad that she made her girlfriend hide. Sometimes she wanted nothing more than to show Jemma off to everyone. Be a proud girlfriend and make everyone jealous.

 

Unfortunately, more days than not were spent plagued with doubts and fear. 

 

Jemma was so good about it too. Supportive even when Skye could see she wished for something more. She suspected that's why this trip was happening. Skye had no idea where they were going but Jemma seemed excited. Especially about the fact it was in another state and far away from people they knew. They could just relax.

 

"Are you going to eat or just continue staring at me?" Jemma joked, raising her eyebrows. It was true, Skye was leaning forward on her elbows and staring at Jemma. Sitting back, Skye picked up her sandwich. 

 

"Can you blame me? It's quite the sight." Skye winked. Yes distracting Jemma with flirting was the plan. It worked, surprisingly, and Jemma returned to her meal. She did make a face at Skye wolfing down her food but didn't actually say anything. Skye had decided if there was food in her mouth, she couldn't say anything stupid. A flawed idea, but well intentioned. 

 

"You're so cheesy." Jemma laughed, shaking her head in amusement. 

 

"It's what I do best." Skye said, around a mouth full of food, which meant it came out muffled and garbled. Jemma gave her a look and Skye shrugged. 

 

"Infuriating." Jemma repeated. Skye wouldn't have it any other way, they were dorks but they worked. That's what scared Skye so much, things moving so fast. 

 

####

 

After eating they'd piled back into the car and continued on. Skye had quickly fallen asleep, leaving Jemma with her thoughts. Usually a dangerous thing, but with Skye so cute beside her, her thoughts were mostly daydreaming. 

 

Except when they weren't. 

 

Jemma had a habit of overthinking things, she didn't like to make hasty decisions and she didn't like to move too fast. Things with Skye were no exception, and they seemed to be crawling at a snails pace. Not that Jemma minded it just seemed like they'd stopped. Instead of creeping along, they'd frozen in place. The trip seemed like a good way to fix that. Or at least help things move along. They had a chance to be them without the chance of one of their friends breathing down their necks. Fitz was bad enough as it was. 

 

A trip also seemed good for Jemma, who felt increasingly worn down lately. Stress fell heavy on her and it was like the weight of the world was on her shoulder. Of course it wasn't, she just took everything that way. With Skye she could feel free, or even worse. That wasn't the point of the weekend though. Fun was at the top of her priorities.

 

"Skyeeee, we're at the hotel." Jemma nudged Skye, trying to wake the woman. Skye blinked her eyes a few times, rubbing at them to wake up.

 

"So where did we end up?" Skye glanced out the window, trying to figure out where they'd stopped. They seemed to be near the coast? Jemma grinned and pushed in a CD. Taylor Swift's song, Welcome to New York poured from the speakers. Skye groaned a little at the choice in song but smiled nonetheless. Jemma was proud of herself, she thought it was clever. 

 

"New York, more specifically Coney Island." Jemma announced, making a flourish with her arms. Skye laughed and pulled her in for a kiss. 

 

"Perfect, Jem. This is awesome!" Skye grinned. Jemma beamed at the praise before shutting off the car, effectively stopping the music. 

 

"It's fantastic you think so! We can check in and then get out and be real American tourists." Jemma opened the door and jumped out, her camera swinging against her chest. Plenty of opportunities to create memories and document them with her camera. Skye climbed out of the car as Jemma opened the trunk to pull out their suitcases. Skye seemed to be taking everything in. Skye hadn't been to New York before and Jemma hadn't been since she was a child. 

 

"Wow, this place is......wow." Skye took her suitcase from Jemma, her eyes wide in awe. It was childlike the way Skye's eyes had lit up. Jemma felt her heart swell at the sight. Perfect. That's what she wanted her girlfriend to get from this weekend. 

 

"I'm glad you like it." Jemma shut the trunk and took Skye's hand. The two shared a look before heading towards check in. Jemma thought it was a record time that they had dropped off their things in their rooms and headed back out. Skye was practically running, dragging Jemma with her, just itching to see what there was to offer at the boardwalk. Jemma had given her a brief summary of things they could expect to find. 

 

Skye's first decision was that if they didn't ride the Ferris Wheel she was going to riot. 

 

"I don't like heights." Jemma frowned as they stood in line for said Ferris Wheel. Skye was hanging on her arm excitedly, bouncing on her heels. 

 

"But Jemmmmmmm it's the Wonder Wheel!" Skye said dramatically, making vague 'dramatic' gestures with her free hand that Jemma thought was supposed to help her point. It didn't.

 

"It's so high up." Jemma reminded her, eyes locked on the towering steel contraption. They were going to die. The thing was going to drop them or they'd fall and end up dead. Jemma was convinced. 

 

"Exactly." Skye said almost wistfully. How could Skye be so calm about it? The thing had to be over forty meters tall. She was about to say so when the line surged forward. Oh no, they were almost at the front. "Hey, I got you." Skye's hands found Jemma's face, urging her to lock eyes. Her girlfriend's gaze was comforting and warm. Most definitely the reassurance Jemma needed. 

 

"Ladies, you're up." The burly woman running the ride barked, the smile on her face friendly. She towered over Skye and Jemma both, probably measuring even taller than Bobbi. Skye squeezed Jemma's hand and they climbed into the car, Jemma's hands shaking. The operator made sure they were secure before nodding. The car started climbing, Jemma's stomach dropped and Skye's face brightened. 

 

Right, for Skye. She could do it for Skye. They wouldn't die and it would all be okay. Unfortunately their car decided to stop as soon as they hit the top. Jemma squeaked, burying her face in Skye's shoulder. Her girlfriend rubbed her back, a low chuckle reverberate throughout her chest. 

 

"You should see this view, it's stunning." Skye said quietly. Jemma peaked out, chewing her lip anxiously. It was a beautiful view. She should take a picture, but her hands were shaking so she handed it to Skye instead. Skye snapped a few pictures, most of which Skye insisted wouldn't be as good as Jemma's, but Jemma was sure they'd be fine. The Ferris Wheel chugged around, Jemma clutching onto Skye's arm while her girlfriend chattered about how beautiful it all was. When they finally got back to the ground, Jemma couldn't help the breath of relief that escaped.

 

Then Skye saw It.

 

"Oh yes! They have a roller coaster!" Did Jemma mentioned she hated roller coasters too? She had thought Coney Island was a good idea. A great idea in fact. Why did she think that? Jemma Simmons was supposed to be a genius. Instead she'd managed to bring her fearless girlfriend to a place with heights. Lots of heights. She was certain she was going to die before the end of the day.

 

They of course road the roller coaster. 

 

Twice.

 

Jemma almost cried both times but Skye was having so much fun. She was whipped. Most definitely whipped and there was nothing to do but accept the fact. It had been inevitable. Skye had the most effective pout and puppy dog eyes Jemma had ever seen. Even better than Bobbi, and Bobbi had everyone wrapped around her finger! 

 

She did learn one thing after the near death experiences. Jemma had put her foot down and asked for something less, well, terrifying. Maybe some games? Turned out her fearless girlfriend wasn't so fearless after all. Hence, Jemma unable to control her giggling and looking like a madman. Skye crouched behind her, looking suspicious and near tears, Jemma crying from laughter herself. Meanwhile people were looking at them like they were insane.

 

Clown.

 

Skye apparently hated clowns, and one was standing in front of them, just as amused as Jemma. 

 

"It's not funny!" Skye shrieked, watching the clown like it was going to murder her. Jemma, the ever supportive girlfriend, clutched at her sides. She couldn't stop laughing. The clown waved a little at Skye before walking off, causing Skye to jump and squeak. She honestly squeaked. 

 

  
_Skye_ squeaked.

 

"No....you're.....right." Jemma gasped out between fits of laughter. Skye crossed her arms, pouting at Jemma angrily. 

 

"I hate you." Skye whined, her brows furrowed. 

 

"That look doesn't suit you, dear." Jemma laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. 

 

"What look?" Skye asked defensively. 

 

"Sulking." Jemma reached out for her and Skye pulled away. Yes, still infuriating as ever. Would she have it any other way? 

 

"I am not sulking." Skye responded in a terrible imitation of Jemma's accent.

 

No, no she wouldn't. Not for the world. 

 

"Would you feel better if we found ice cream?" Jemma offered. Hopefully the peace offering would soften Skye's scowl. Of course it did, because Skye loved ice cream and was promptly dragging her girlfriend toward the nearest place to buy it. 

 

Jemma just needed to steer Skye towards safe places. Preferably away from clowns because she did want her girlfriend to have fun. Also preferably away from things that involved heights, Jemma wanted to make it through the day. Besides, she was tired. Which was weird because the day had barely begun. Ice cream would help, and maybe coffee if they found some. It was going to be a fun afternoon. 

 

"So what's next?" Skye asked, licking at her chocolate ice cream cone. Chocolate was dripping down her hand from the side of the cone. Jemma was eating her own cone, boring Vanilla according to Skye, and glancing around. Her eyes fell on one of the game booths. 

 

"Let's try one of the games!" Jemma tugged Skye towards said booth. A stuffed chinchilla was hanging from the stall. A pimple faced teenager eyed them warily, looking extremely fed up with everything. "I want to try for that." She pointed at the chinchilla excitedly. Skye looked at the thing strangely, raising an eyebrow. 

 

"You want that?" Skye asked, disbelief seeping in her tone. Jemma nodded eagerly.

 

"Yes, Skye! That's the chinchilla lanigera, they're endangered you know? Humans have hunted them for years and they're nearing extinction. Did you know they can't get wet because of how dense their fur is? It wouldn't dry out and it could kill them..." Jemma rattled off various facts about the chinchilla. Skye chuckled and gave the teenager some money for the game as Jemma continued rambling. 

 

"Alright, Jem. I'll win you the chinchilla." Skye said, lifting the toy gun. The game was a silly little thing that involved shooting stupid little spacemen. Of course they're rigged and Jemma would have been happy to help, but Skye was determined. Luckily it only took about a dozen or so tries before Skye won and proudly presented Jemma with her chinchilla. 

 

"Why thank you, Skye." Jemma smiled, pecking Skye on the cheek. Her girlfriend blushed happily, biting her lip. "You're definitely my princess charming." She joked. 

 

"Of course I am." Skye flipped her hair in a mock gesture. Jemma laughed, interlacing their fingers. They started walking down the boardwalk, Jemma leaning into Skye contently. The two didn't her more than a few feet before Skye spotted a stuffed duck she wanted. Jemma vowed to win it for her.

 

It took one try.

 

_One._

 

One try while Jemma rapidly explained the science and math behind what she was doing. It was one of the stupid throw the ball games. When Jemma presented her own present, she was pretty sure Skye's jaw hanging open was a good sign. Probably a sign that her ego was wounded. Just a touch. Skye was grateful for her duck though and rewarded Jemma with a passionate kiss. 

 

Jemma could get used to that, all of it really.

 

########

 

The day had been more than perfect in Skye's eyes. After what seemed like the the hundredth picture she was a little done with Jemma's incessant need to photograph everything, but that was why it was perfect. Convincing Jemma to ride all the rides, including the carousel, was worth every photo op and complaint on Jemma's end.

 

Sunshine and amazing weather had only made it better. Things had been dreary back home, rain plaguing them like crazy. Skye liked the rain but not that much. Coney Island was everything Skye could have wished for. More than she ever dreamed. Jemma made it the most magical experience. Spending time with her was more than Skye needed. 

 

That was why, as the day drew to a close and the sun set, Skye suggested heading to the beach. After they'd taken one last ride of the Ferris Wheel, much to Jemma's dismay. Skye had insisted, it was important to see everything lit up. According to Jemma the view had been spectacular. Thankfully after riding so much the shorter woman had grown more comfortable with the ride. At least they'd have some pretty unique photos. 

 

"I love it here." Skye announced as they walked leisurely down the sand. The beach was relatively empty due to the late hour. The sky was lit up with the neon lights of the boardwalk, but their path took them to a more quiet area. Preferably some place they could see some stars.

 

"I do as well." Jemma admitted. Her stuffed chinchilla, who she'd named Rosalind after the scientist, was tucked up against her chest. Her other arm was linked with Skye's, her flats dangling from her fingers. The camera still hung from her neck.

 

"Thank you, Jemma. This has been perfect." Skye nuzzled into Jemma's neck. Her own stuffed duck was riding in the crook of the arm not holding Jemma's. She'd stuffed her flip flops in her back pocket. The duck was appropriately named May (it looked grumpy), something Skye would keep from her mother. 

 

"You're welcome, Skye. I have enjoyed myself immensely too. I'm so glad we did this together. I think we needed it." Jemma admitted. Skye hummed in agreement, her eyes moving across the shore. The ocean made a pleasant noise as it churned calmly. Then an idea occurred to her. A mischievous glint filled her eyes. Jemma made a small noise, obviously seeing the change.

 

Skye was a trouble maker, always had been. She was better around Jemma but this was one exception. Trouble could be fun. 

 

"C'mon, Jem. I have an idea." Skye unceremoniously dropped her duck on the sand and pulled her shoes out of her pocket to join it. Jemma watched suspiciously as Skye started on the buttons of her shirt. When realization dawned on her face, her eyes widened in shock.

 

"No! Skye, we are not skinny dipping!" Jemma hissed. Skye ignored her girlfriend and slid out of her jean shorts. She tugged at Jemma's skirt teasingly. 

 

"Live a little, Britain." Skye winked, reaching back to unclip her bra. She could see the fight die out in Jemma's face as the bra dropped the ground with the rest of her clothes. She slipped out of her underwear and took off towards the water. "Hurry up slow poke!" She called behind her, her feet hitting the water. It was colder than she expected but not unpleasantly so. That thought  was pushed away as she watched Jemma shed her own clothes, folding each item carefully. Chuckling, she moved deeper into the water. When Jemma did join her, Skye had acclimated to the water. 

 

The cold apparently caught Jemma off guard. 

 

"This is cold." Jemma pushed into Skye's personal space, goosebumps spreading across her pale skin. Skye ran her own hands up and down Jemma's arms to help.

 

"Look at you, Jemma Simmons skinny dipping." Skye teased. There was a twinkle in her eye when she said it. Jemma stuck out her tongue before she playfully shoved her girlfriend backwards. Skye had not been expecting it but pulled Jemma down with her, the both of them crashing into the waves. Jemma came up sputtering, a glare sent in the direction of the taller woman. 

 

"Infuriating!" Jemma squeaked. Skye found the look on Jemma's face utterly adorable. Pushing dark locks out of her own face, Skye pulled Jemma into her arms. 

 

"You wouldn't have it any other way." Skye reminded her. Jemma made a noncommittal noise but laid her head on Skye's chest anyways. They just stayed there for a while as they listened to the crash of the waves on the shore. Eventually they started a game of splashing and playfully fighting, before both were tired and trudged back to the sand. There were no towels so they pulled on their underwear and bras only.

 

Skye plopped into the sad, beckoning for Jemma to sit with her. Jemma sat down and moved so she was in Skye's arms instead. It was comfortable and warm, a stark contrast compared to the water they'd just left. 

 

"The things you get me into." Jemma spoke first, after several beats of silence. There was a teasing lilt to her tone. Skye smiled, her chuckle vibrating through her chest and Jemma's back.

 

"What would you do without me?" Skye grinned. 

 

"I suppose it could be quite boring." Jemma admitted, a mock sigh escaping her lips. Skye kissed her head. Jemma snuggled closer, very content with how things were. Skye was the happiest she'd been in quite a long time. She'd never been that happy with Miles. Not even when their relationship started out. 

 

"You'd just have Fitz and third wheeling dates between him and Mack." Skye hummed, absentmindedly playing with Jemma's hair. 

 

"The horror." Jemma giggled. 

 

"I don't know how you stand living with Fitz, like I love the guy but wow." Skye commented. 

 

"It's a bit of a nightmare at times. Especially when Mack comes over. I have ear plugs." Jemma said. The seriousness of her tone caused Skye to giggle.

 

"You could come live at my place?" Skye offered. It was meant to come off casually, like she was just throwing ideas out. Her voice betrayed her though, Jemma turning quickly to face Skye.

 

"You mean that?" Jemma looked absolutely baffled. 

 

"Well why not?" Skye pouted. Jemma broke into a wide grin, placing a kiss on Skye's lips. 

 

"I'd love to, dear. As long as it's no trouble." Jemma assured her. 

 

"None at all." If there was a stupid, dopey smile on Skye's face the other woman didn't say anything. Instead she just shifted back to her original position. Skye resumed playing with her hair, eyes on the horizon. Stars twinkled above them, like diamonds, in inky blackness. The moon cast a silvery glow. Like a movie, Skye mused. 

 

Perfect, absolutely perfect. Having Jemma was an honor and their day wasn't just perfect. It was absolutely magical. The two just lay there in the sand, waiting to dry in the warm breeze. Skye didn't just feel content, she felt loved. Her fingers drew lazy circles across Jemma's arm as a thought occurred to her. 

 

"Jemma?" Skye's voice wavered only slightly.

 

"Hmm?" Jemma hummed, her eyes had fallen closed. She had seemed so tired, possibly she had been drifting to sleep. 

 

"I love you..." It came out quiet, quieter than Skye intended. She was sure if Jemma wasn't literally in her arms she wouldn't have heard. There were a few moments of silence, Skye waiting on a bated breath. 

 

"Love you too." Jemma murmured, kissing Skye's knuckles. The dopey smile was back and Skye breathed a sigh of relief.  

 

"I'm glad."

 

"Me too, dear."

 

That was when Skye realized, Jemma was her world and that scared her more than anything else. Except it also made her even happier than she thought possible. Laying there with Jemma was a dream, she wouldn't let fear destroy that. Right? 

 

A drop of rain hit Skye's cheek, signaling rain had arrived. As it began drizzling and the two girlfriends scrambled upward, snatching up their clothes, needing to get back to the hotel, Skye decided she didn't mind it all too much.

 

When they were running, holding each other and laughing at how absurd everything was, it really was like a scene from a movie. As they entered the hotel, earning odd looks from most of the people there, a thought struck Skye. 

 

She rather liked the rain, especially when it wasn't storming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long as hell, I have no regrets. Especially not after that episode.


	6. It All Goes To Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is a little early but I'm super tired and I have a feeling I'll pass the fuck out after this episode.....
> 
> but.....uh...soooooo....here's the new chapter...  
> All angst basically, I was to tired to try anything else tbh. Hope y'all enjoy? This chapter is aptly named.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Cancer.....  
> I don't suggest listening to I'm Gonna Love You Through It during this, especially not the last scene.

_"The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

It felt strange to be moving in with Skye, not a bad strange but a good one. She did love Skye so much. For the first time she loved someone and they loved her back. They would still be keeping their relationship mostly a secret but Jemma didn't doubt how much Skye cared about her. 

 

Especially when she informed Jemma they could tell their friends. Of course that ended up being interesting. Bobbi hit her for not telling her, Mack had figured it out and Hunter and Trip were not surprised. Fitz looked pleased they'd told them. 

 

The only downside to everything was Jemma increasingly found herself fatigued and feeling poorly. She just brushed it off assuming it was lack of sleep and working more. Or she was getting sick, something like the flu perhaps. She made an appointment with her doctor just in case. Work was picking up and she couldn't afford to get sick. The doctor could do some tests, make sure everything was alright. 

 

Until then she had plans with Skye and their friends, a new found freedom coming with their relationship being semi public. Maybe eventually she'd be able to wipe the stupid smile off her face. It seemed like nothing could stop it, she was so happy. 

 

##########

 

Everything came crashing down on Skye when they returned home. Having Jemma move in, going public to their friends, and things moving swiftly had her mind reeling. Doubts flooded her mind. Little thoughts nudging her whenever she was alone. Seeing Jemma's radiant smile only pushed them away for so long. Her girlfriend was so beautiful, she was so lucky.

 

She just needed to keep reminding herself of that. 

 

Jemma meant the world to her, hell Jemma was her world. She loved her more than she'd ever loved anyone before. That's what she needed to remember. Jemma was perfect, way more than Skye deserved. 

 

Yet the doubts continued. They made any interaction with her girlfriend feel....wrong. Pushing that out of her mind was important. They were happy and why would she mess that up? That's definitely _not_ why she found herself at the bar where Jemma and her officially met. It was too early to be drinking, only early afternoon. Jemma was out, most likely with Fitz, but Skye needed to get home to Buddy. Just one drink. 

 

That's what she told herself four and a half drinks ago, when she was still at the bar.

 

At some point she'd managed to wander outside for a walk. Maybe eating before drinking would have helped. Her alcohol tolerance was usually much higher. Unfortunately she hadn't eaten since breakfast. 

 

Another downside to the alcohol was it only brought out more doubts in Skye's mind. Not just that she wasn't good enough, or that Jemma deserved better. Her mind zeroed in on her own insecurities about her sexuality. Did she really think she wasn't straight? Bi seemed to fit but maybe Jemma was just an exception. 

 

Or maybe Jemma didn't really love her? Not like Skye loved her. Maybe it wasn't even love for Skye at all. She didn't exactly have a lot of experience. Why did sexuality have to be so confusing? Scrubbing at her eyes, Skye found herself walking in a familiar direction. Part of her brain screamed at her to stop. This wasn't what she wanted. She was going to screw everything up if she didn't stop. She didn't stop though, because she was drunk and she didn't care. Proof, that's all it was. 

 

Skye needed proof for herself that Jemma was what she wanted. Jemma Simmons had to be it, because if she wasn't Skye had no idea what love was. She just needed to check for sure.

 

That's why her hand lifted and knocked, silencing the rational part of her brain. The part that wanted to remind her she loved Jemma and this wasn't what she wanted. 

 

Jemma would never forgive her for it.

 

"Well hello, Skye. I knew you'd show back up eventually." Miles's grin said it all. He had been expecting her to betray her girlfriend and if she weren't drunk she would have turned right around. 

 

"Shut up!" Skye huffed and leaned up to capture Miles's lips. There was no going back. She'd made her decision, this was her bed to lie in. If she had to swallow a whimper at the thought of Jemma's reaction she didn't show it. 

 

_"Ms. Simmons, I'm afraid it's not good."_

 

Pushing Miles back into his place, Skye closed the door with her foot and jumped to wrap her legs around his waist. 

 

_"C-Cancer?" Jemma stuttered, her breath catching in her throat. She'd gone sheet white. The doctor's face was sympathetic. She felt like she would throw up._

 

"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" Miles asked, Skye's lips moving up his neck. She nodded silently, working on the buttons of his shirt. He moved them toward his room. 

 

_"Ms. Simmons, we have caught it fairly early. There are treatments." The doctor assured her. Jemma didn't hear, her vision swimming._

 

Miles and Skye hit the bed, tearing at each other's clothing. Jemma's face flashed in Skye's mind but she shoved that down, instead using Miles as her distraction.

 

#######

 

Jemma buried her face in her arms on the steering wheel, tears streaming down her face. Sobs wracked her small frame, making it hard to breathe in. The doctor had tried to give her hope. Jemma had even tried to listen to it, but she was a scientist. She knew plenty about cancer. 

 

Breast cancer.

 

Jemma should have known better, she knew the signs. How had she managed to go so long without an exam? She had been busy but had it really been that long? It hadn't seemed important. She thought she was fine, she'd missed the other symptoms. 

 

Now she was sitting in her car crying and trying to figure out what she was going to tell Skye. How was she going to tell her girlfriend she might die? She would have to tell the others too.

 

Oh Fitz.....

 

She didn't want to picture their faces, she didn't even want to think about it. What she did want to do was close her eyes and pretend it wasn't happening. At least for one night. She'd just go home and cuddle with Skye and Buddy and she'd deal with it all the next day. 

 

Her phone buzzed and she paused. Frowning, she picked it up. Why was an unknown number texting her? Unlocking it, her frown was replaced by a puzzled expression. Then it fell off her face, her heart dropping into her stomach. There were three texts total, one a photo. A photo of Skye's naked form splayed across sheets that weren't theirs. 

 

"Guess your girlfriend doesn't love you all that much if she's in my bed."

 

"I always knew she'd come back to me." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.....
> 
> Also Skye's decision to cheat has nothing to do with her being bi, it has to do with her being confused and unsure and insecure. Being bi doesn't make you any more prone to cheating.


	7. I'm Gonna Love You Through It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: Car crash, cancer, mastectomy, body negativity, drug and alcohol use
> 
> Yo hello again, and here is the new chapter. It took a way different turn than I expected but it's better this way. Promise. This is super angsty thanks to choice of music but eh. What else have you come to expect from me? Enjoy the episode guys and hopefully this makes up for the lack of Skimmons scenes we've had in the actual show.

_"There are chords in the hearts of the most reckless which cannot be touched without emotion." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

Jemma felt like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. Her breathing coming in short, small gasps did little to assuage her panic attack. She couldn't understand why she was panicking either, this was something she should be angry about. Instead everything hurt. Her heart constricted painfully. She'd buried her face in her arms on the steering wheel, unable to bring herself to drive home. Except she needed to go home eventually. She couldn't avoid Skye forever.

 

How could she have been so stupid? To think Skye actually loved her. Skye was too far out of her league. Jemma was just a fling, maybe an experiment. How could she do this to Jemma? She said she loved her! A violent sob ripped through her chest as she raised her head. Fumbling with her keys she decided she wanted to go home. Go home and drown her sorrows in ice cream and bad comedies. 

 

She was still crying when she pulled out of the parking lot, her mind speeding at what felt like a hundred miles an hour. Everything was too much. She couldn't even deal with how much had piled up. She felt stupid for falling as hard as she did. Nothing lasted forever but Jemma had hoped. 

 

Driving during a panic attack or driving while crying never ended well. Jemma knew better. At least she should have. Unfortunately she wasn't quite in the right state of mind. She didn't notice the car coming towards her car and she missed the red light. 

 

Her entire world went black, finally putting Jemma at peace for the first time since everything came pouring down at once. 

 

#####

 

The first thing Skye woke to was the loud ringing of her phone. She'd somehow entangled her limbs around Miles. 

 

Right, that was a thing she did. 

 

Her heart clenched as she felt around for her phone on the night stand. Jemma couldn't know. It hadn't been worth it, not the chance she would lose her girlfriend. The whole time she could barely think about anything but Jemma. Skye would find a way to make it up to Jemma, preferably without the other woman knowing. Coming out didn't seem so scary if it meant she could see Jemma's beautiful smile. 

 

"Skye! Where the hell are you?" Bobbi's shouting did no favors for Skye's "hangover". 

 

"I'm out." Skye did her best to school her voice into something that didn't sound like she'd just woken up. To her own ears her attempts seemed to fail. Great.

 

"Don't even bother lying to me right now. Get your ass out of bed and get to the damn hospital. Jemma was in an accident." Bobbi hissed, waking Skye right up. Oh no, this was all her fault. This was the universe punishing her for what she had done. 

 

"I-Is she okay?" Skye stuttered. She frantically dug through Miles's clothes for her own. 

 

"As okay as you can be getting hit by a car." Bobbi huffed. Why was Bobbi so angry? Glancing at her phone told her everything. She had six missed calls and at least a dozen texts. Had she really slept through them all? "She's alive, which is more than I can say about you if you don't get here soon." 

 

"I'll be there in like fifteen, ten if I speed." Skye yanked on her shirt and started tugging on her jeans. Miles stirred but that wasn't something Skye could deal with. 

 

"You better be." Then Bobbi hung up, leaving Skye to finish dressing. She didn't deserve Jemma and that's what fate was telling her. She'd screwed up and she deserved to be punished. Poor Jem had gotten caught in the crossfires. 

 

"Where are you going?" Miles smirked. Skye snatched her keys and phone up, sending him a glare. 

 

"This is never going to happen again." Skye growled and strode out.

 

"You'll come back, Skye. You always do!" Miles called after her. Skye had a bad feeling he wasn't wrong. She just hoped he was because she didn't want Jemma to get hurt. Skye loved her girlfriend more than anything. There wasn't anyone else she could see her life with.

 

That's why she was so scared and Skye was an idiot when she was scared. 

 

#####

 

Jemma's eyes fluttered open, Skye being the first person she saw. Her head was pounding and the rest of her body felt almost numb. Mostly things were foggy, from what she assumed were pain killers. It felt nice to not hurt so much, even if she was in what looked like the hospital. 

 

"Jem!" Skye's entire face lit up once she noticed her girlfriend awake. Jemma was so happy to see her she almost forgot why she had been so upset before. Before..... she had no idea why she was in the hospital. Last thing she remembered was heading home crying from the doctors. 

 

"Where am I?" Jemma tried to sit up but groaned in pain when she tried. Okay she'd stay laying down. Skye looked at her with red rimmed, puffy eyes. She'd been crying. Why had she been crying? Surely she didn't care about Jemma. 

 

"In the hospital, you were in a car accident." Skye whimpered, stroking Jemma's hair lovingly. It hurt Jemma, she couldn't understand how Skye could do something like that and then act like nothing had happened. 

 

"Oh." Was all Jemma could think to say. Then Skye did something surprising. She broke down and started crying. Her hand continued stroking Jemma's hair while the other brought Jemma's hand up to kiss. 

 

"Oh god, Jem. I don't know what I would do without you. I could have lost you and then...." Skye's voice broke as she turned her head down. "They told me you had been crying. You weren't paying attention or something. The doctor told me..." She trailed off, a sob choking off the last of her words. Jemma couldn't bring herself to say anything. She could see the guilt eating at Skye and she didn't want to bring up what happened. Skye was there now, right? It had to of been a mistake. Skye loved her. 

 

"I love you." Jemma croaked, squeezing Skye's hand. 

 

"I love you too, so much. More than anything." Skye gave her a watery smile. "I'm going to be by your side every step of the way, I swear. We're going to get through this together, Jem." 

 

"Pinky promise?" Jemma asked hopefully. Skye nodded, linking their pinkies. Jemma smiled up at her happily. Maybe they could get through this together. She could forgive Skye for a little mistake. Miles was wrong, Skye loved her. Not him.

 

"I love you, Jemma Simmons." Skye leaned her forehead against Jemma's. 

 

"I know." Jemma murmured, closing her eyes. 

 

They would be okay, right? Jemma just had to believe in that. 

 

#######

 

When Jemma got out of the hospital, Skye made herself into the perfect girlfriend. She went with her girlfriend to all the appointments with her doctor and helped with the injuries she'd sustained in the accident. Thankfully Jemma had escaped with a minor head injury and a broken arm. Skye was more concerned about the cancer that would slowly kill Jemma if left untreated. 

 

The doctors had a plan, they could schedule Jemma for surgery. They caught it early enough that chemo wasn't completely necessary. Jemma was so fortunate and for the first time in a long time Skye started praying again. She'd never been overtly religious, despite how she was raised. Obviously she'd had some left over ideas but since dating Jemma she'd pushed most of them away. Jemma liked science. She didn't believe in God or the bible. 

 

Skye didn't know what she believed, but if there was a chance praying could save her girlfriend, Skye would pray every chance she got. That's exactly what she found herself doing. When Jemma was sleeping or otherwise occupied, Skye would seclude herself and pray in the only way she knew how. 

 

Guilt had a funny way of destroying you. 

 

Every day Skye snuggled up to Jemma or touched her in anyway, she felt it. Sleeping with Miles was Skye's biggest mistake. It would never happen again, she'd promised herself. She'd promised Jemma without her girlfriend even knowing it. 

 

She made that promise while Jemma was recovering from surgery. Right after the doctor had to break the news to her girlfriend that the surgery hadn't gone quite as planned. The doctor tried to be reassuring, offered support groups and such. 

 

Skye had heard most of it before, they'd told her right after they finished. They caught the cancer just in time, but they had to take more than was planned. Jemma was absolutely devastated and it took Skye over an hour to calm her down. 

 

The doctors said the reaction was normal.

 

Skye crawled into the hospital bed, taking her girlfriend in her arms and wrapping them around Jemma's waist. Stroking her hair, Skye laid her head on Jemma's shoulder so her mouth was right by Jemma's ear. Skye let her sob it out as she whispered reassurances. 

 

_"I won't love you any less."_

 

_"This doesn't make you any less a woman."_

 

_"You're still as beautiful as ever."_

 

"My smart, beautiful, dorky girlfriend who I will stick by no matter what. Even if your science puns and pick up lines are cheesy." The last one got a small smile to tug at Jemma's lips. Skye pressed a kiss to Jemma's hair. 

 

Skye would do everything in her power to make her girlfriend feel beautiful. That was her second promise. A mastectomy wasn't something to be ashamed of, Jemma had to know that. 

 

That's why when Jemma was recovering, Skye did her best to coax her girlfriend out of baggy shirts and big sweatshirts. She did her best to make Jemma smile. Skye loved Jemma's smile and she loved it even more when she didn't see it as often. 

 

Jemma meant the world to Skye and she wasn't any less than before the surgery. Despite what Jemma thought, Skye still saw her as beautiful. Beautiful didn't mean breasts or even looks in general. Jemma's intelligence, her cheesiness, that's what made her beautiful. Skye's love for her only strengthened. 

 

"C'mon, Jem." Skye flopped into the couch next to Jemma who was reading a book. "Let's go see a movie." Skye urged. The two hadn't left the house since Jemma's surgery. 

 

"I'd much rather stay here and watch a movie." Jemma didn't even look up from her book. Skye leaned into Jemma's side. 

 

"Pleeeeeeeeaseeeeeeee!" Skye whined, batting her eyes. Her girlfriend glanced down at her and rolled her eyes. 

 

"Skye...." Jemma trailed off, shutting her book. Skye put on her best pout and puppy dog eyes. It would be good for Jemma to get out. Even if it was in a in a huge sweatshirt. 

 

"It'll be good to get out, and you know it. What are you going to do when you go back to work?" Skye reminded her. Jemma sighed, unconsciously crossing her arms over her chest. Skye had come to see her do that more often than not. It hurt how much she knew her girlfriend was hurting. 

 

"Alright....I suppose it couldn't hurt." Jemma relented. Skye bounded up, tugging Jemma along with her. 

 

"C'mon, there's got to be something good playing." Skye grinned. 

 

######

 

Going back to work had been an ordeal for Jemma. She felt exhausted physically and emotionally. Everyone had been supportive but Jemma couldn't help how she felt. Everything felt wrong recently. The surgery and cancer had thrown Jemma completely off kilter. 

 

At least she wasn't dying, that's what she tried to remind herself of. 

 

The surgery had probably saved her life and that's what mattered. People didn't actually stare, it was all in her head. She would have been more comfortable in a baggier shirt. Not the sweater Skye had talked her into. It made her feel vulnerable and it stuck to close to her chest. In her mind of highlighted she was broken, not whole anymore. 

 

It made her feel less like a woman.

 

Of course having breasts didn't make you a woman. Jemma knew that at least. It didn't help the insecurities that came creeping in though. In fact it made it worse. She felt superficial for her thoughts. 

 

Shallow. 

 

She just wanted to feel like she did before the surgery. No matter what Skye told her, believing it was harder than it should have been. She just needed to feel comfortable in her own skin again. It would take some time for sure, but maybe, just maybe, she could do it. 

 

Especially with Skye's help. Jemma's girlfriend had been there by her side every step of the way. She'd done so much it was hard to believe Jemma had ever doubted her love. Skye always told Jemma she was beautiful and how much she loved her. Every day, every chance she got. 

 

That's what she needed. When she couldn't even tell herself anything positive, Skye did it for her. Skye was truly the best thing in Jemma's life. She didn't know what she'd do without her girlfriend. She'd pushed the previous indiscretion far from her mind.

 

Still, there was a little doubt in the back of her head when Skye started 'working late'. The other woman claimed she was staying late to work on coding but it seemed to happen more and more frequently. She always came home to Jemma, and usually she was home in time to cook dinner. It just seemed she was spending more time than usual at work. 

 

Considering Jemma got no further texts from Miles, it soothed her if even just a little. Skye wouldn't do that to her after what they'd been through. She wasn't that cruel. Right? Still the doubts wouldn't go away and Jemma worried. She did all she could to assure herself Skye was faithful. 

 

Then _it_ happened. 

 

"I'm homeeeeee!" Skye called our dramatically, shutting the door behind her. She tossed her jacket on the arm of the couch and proceeded to launch herself into Jemma's lap. Sprawling across her girlfriend, Skye closed her eyes. "I'm exhausted." A smile tugged at Jemma's lips as she chuckled. Then she smelled something, something that was not her girlfriend's scent. Her nose wrinkled and her smile disappeared.

 

"What's that smell?" Jemma frowned. Skye sat up a little and opened her eyes, furrowing her brows in confusion.

 

"What smell?" Skye sniffed, not sure what her girlfriend meant. Jemma leaned forward and sniffed at Skye. There was a faint whiff of something Jemma couldn't pinpoint. Snatching up Skye's jacket, Jemma sniffed at that. 

 

"Your jacket reeks of cologne, and you smell of it too." Jemma's heart dropped into her stomach. Skye frowned, a flash of something unrecognizable in her eyes.  She took the jacket and smelled it. Then she plastered on amusement. Fake amusement if Jemma read it correctly. 

 

"It must be the rookie at work. Guy absolutely reeks of the stuff, it's foul. Guess I'm used to it." Skye chuckled, patting Jemma's leg. "Some guys just don't get less is better." Then Skye dragged herself from Jemma's lap and trudged towards the kitchen. "I'm too tired to cook, can we just order pizza?" Skye called. 

 

"Yes, of course." Jemma answered, if a little absent. She picked up the jacket and turned it over in her hands. She wasn't so sure she believed Skye's lie. 

 

In fact, she was sure she didn't believe it. Why would Skye lie though? She couldn't be cheating again. No, she wouldn't. Skye was better than that.

 

Skye _loved_ her.

 

Those thoughts still haunted her that night as she readied for bed. Skye had passed out not long after dinner. She seemed more tired than usual. Something Jemma found a little worrying but she brushed it off. No her mind found purchase in the jacket and smell, refusing to allow her to sleep. Her brain refused to quiet and every time she closed her eyes she saw the picture Miles had sent her. 

 

What was stopping Skye cheating? They hadn't had sex in quite some time. Jemma had ugly scars, an ugly body. What did Skye see in her? Jemma was broken. She was barely half of what she once was. She didn't deserve Skye, Skye was too beautiful for her. 

 

Skye had been out of her league before her mastectomy. After it was only worse. It didn't make sense for Skye to be with Jemma. 

 

Miles made sense. He was an attractive man without scars who could have sex with Skye. He didn't hate his body. He didn't hate himself. Loving someone else is hard when you can't love yourself. Miles didn't have that problem.

 

Jemma did.

 

None of the doubts or insecurities would leave her in peace. They rattled around violently. It was like their sole purpose was to tear Jemma down. 

 

If it worked, it wasn't the reason why she took a few too many pills and washed it down with alcohol. That's not coping, that's starting to slide down a dangerous slope. Jemma wouldn't slide. 

 

Even if that wasn't the last time it happened. 

 

_(Besides it wasn't like Skye was conflicted with thoughts about telling Jemma she'd started seeing a therapist for her own insecurities and guilt. A therapist with cologne problems.)_


	8. It All Goes To Hell, Again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is y'all! Three more chapters to go after this. I really like the quote with this one too. It's my second favorite, my favorite is the last chapter ;) Okay so the goal is to get the last two chapters up before the finale so the finale doesn't influence the ending. We'll have to see about that.  
> See, I think I've got it all planned out and I really don't lol. I guess we'll have to see how it goes. Tonight's episode should be fun.... Let me know what you guys think the endings going to be like? 
> 
> TW: Drugs, drinking. Not much this chapter thankfully XD Also some self hatred unfortunately
> 
> PS: I love Bobbi, dw she's going to do so much more ;)

_"Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

Jemma really wanted to feel complete again. She just wanted to feel like something again, instead of the worthless nothing she'd gotten so used. Much like she'd grown used to Skye showering as soon as she got home from 'working late'. Right, and Jemma was the bloody Queen of England. Jemma was smarter than that.

 

 It was obvious Skye had once again gone running back to Miles. Her girlfriend apparently wasn't enough. Not that Jemma could blame her, it wasn't like she was the same as she had been. Skye had cheated on her then, why wouldn't she when Jemma was broken?

 

The pills really seemed to help, quite a lot actually. They just seemed to dull the pain of everything. Mixing them with alcohol made it better. She could be around Skye without wanting to cry. It wasn't like she was going to confront her, she didn't want to risk losing her. 

 

Skye might leave her and then she'd be alone. 

 

She wasn't sure if she could actually handle that. Not with how she'd been feeling. Which is why her coping skills were less than stellar. They'd even ran out of alcohol at home and Jemma was too lazy to buy more. 

 

"Hey you." Bobbi greeted, sliding onto the stool beside Jemma. Yes, she was at a bar. Not that Skye needed to know that. She was out with the others, everyone but Jemma. Bobbi too? She'd thought Bobbi had gone along as well. 

 

"Hello, Bobbi." Jemma plastered on the smile she'd grown to wearing. It didn't feel real anymore. Skye hadn't seemed to notice, but Bobbi's easy smile faltered. "I thought you were out with the others. Skye mentioned how very excited everyone was for the new film at the cinema." 

 

"Me not so much, not a big fan of the movie they picked." Bobbi pulled a face before ordering her drink. "What's up with you? Seem kind of off to me."

 

"I am perfectly fine, Bobbi. There's no need to worry." Jemma patted her hand reassuringly. 

 

"Mmhmm sure." Bobbi raised an eyebrow. Sarcasm absolutely dripped from her words. The bartender set down Bobbi's drink in front of her, winking at the taller woman. Bobbi just rolled her eyes. 

 

"Honestly, you sound like Skye!" Jemma did her best to sound indignant. She just didn't have it in her though. She was tired and numb. 

 

"Skye's right to worry. Especially after what happened. You haven't been the same and I miss your smile. Your old smile. The one that reached your eyes." Bobbi mused, tapping a finger at the corner of her own eye. Then she sipped at her drink, a knowing look on her face. Jemma sighed and finished off her beer. 

 

"Bloody hell, I don't know what you expect from me. I haven't exactly had the best go of things lately." Jemma sighed, pouting. Maybe she'd been sulking a little. She had the right to! With all that was happening so quickly, she deserved to feel less than her best. Bobbi nodded, shrugging. 

 

"I just mean I wish I could help you. I worry about you Jemma, I do. You're both my friends." Bobbi said. She swirled her drink in her hand absentmindedly. The bitter laughter that bubbled out of Jemma's throat caught her off guard. 

 

"If only you knew." Jemma deadpanned. 

 

"What?" Bobbi frowned deeply. 

 

"It's Skye, she's cheating on me. Again." The words came tumbling our of her mouth before she could stop herself. She figured the amount of pills and alcohol she'd ingested were catching up to her. 

 

"What?! Why the hell would she do that? She loves you. That doesn't sound like her." Bobbi gaped. She didn't understand how someone so in love with Jemma could cheat. "Wait, again?"

 

"I found out she had been with Miles the same day as my accident." Jemma admitted, ordering another beer. 

 

"You're kidding!" Bobbi couldn't help but be angry at Skye. How could she do something so terrible to her girlfriend? Especially with how much Jemma had been through.

 

"No, I received the evidence on my mobile while trying to process the news of my cancer. He sent a photograph too. Not to mention the guilt I could see in Skye when I woke up in the hospital." The bartender handed Jemma another beer and she took it graciously. Twisting off the top, she took a long drink from the bottle. 

 

"Well shit, I thought I knew her better." Bobbi muttered. She downed the last of the alcohol from her own glass. 

 

"I did as well." Jemma sighed, laying her head on her arms, folding her arms across the bar. Bobbi was quiet for a little, the two of them sitting in moderate silence. A phantom song played from the speakers and people held quiet conversations on their own. The bar held a melancholy  Jemma could relate to. Finally, Bobbi stood up and took Jemma's hand. 

 

"C'mon, enough moping. The two of us are going to find our own fun. Cheer you up and maybe get black out drunk. I'll kick Skye's ass tomorrow." Bobbi smiled at her, tugging lightly at Jemma's hand. She pulled a couple of folded bills from her pocket and dropped them on the table to pay for their drinks. Jemma relented and allowed Bobbi to pull her along. It couldn't hurt could it? 

 

Turned out, it could hurt. It could hurt a lot and it was a terrible decision. Jemma should have stayed at the bar and drank away her sorrows. Bobbi didn't know Jemma had drugs in her system. She also didn't know how unbelievably strong the tequila was at the gay bar they found. Jemma didn't even know why they were at a gay bar. Bobbi claimed it would be fun but didn't give more than that.

 

By the twilight hours of the morning the two were sufficiently plastered. That's how they ended up at Bobbi's apartment, a one bedroom flat she could afford to live in alone. Perhaps if they'd fallen into bed and gone straight to sleep it might have been okay. As luck would have it, Jemma and Bobbi did fall into bed. 

 

With their lips on each other's and hands fumbling at clothing. 

 

##################

 

Skye stumbled into the home she shared with Jemma about three am. Jemma wasn't home but Skye flopped into bed and passed out, not thinking much about it. Not until Jemma arrived home the next day, the time going on eleven.

 

"Mmmm, you're home." Skye murmured from where she had her face buried in her pillow. 

 

"Yes, with quite the bloody hangover." Jemma climbed into bed. She yanked the blankets over her head to block out any sunlight leaking through the blinds. Skye nuzzled into Jemma's neck, ducking under the blankets. 

 

"Me too. I dunno why we decided to get drinks after the movie." Skye mumbled, wrapping her arms around Jemma's waist. That was when she noticed it, the smell. Jemma smelled strangely not like herself. Blinking open her eyes, she peered at Jemma in the darkness of the covers. She could just barely make out dark splotches across her girlfriend's collar bone. "Where did you go?" She tried to stay as calm as possible. 

 

"Bobbi and I went drinking." Jemma was already falling back asleep. Skye laid there wide eyed, her head pounding and tears stinging at her eyes. 

 

It wasn't like she didn't deserve it. She'd cheated on Jemma, why shouldn't Jemma get even? Nevertheless Skye's world was rocked to the core. She had really thought they were doing good. They were happy and everything seemed to be perfect. Her therapist had been helping her so much. 

 

"I'm going to get something to eat." Skye slid out of bed. Jemma was already out like a light though. Skye pressed a kiss to her head before creeping out of the room. She made a quick call to her therapist before yanking on some shoes and a sweatshirt. She needed to sort out her head, desperately. 

 

Of course she hadn't meant to be gone so long. An hour or two at most. Not the four it ended up being. After talking out how she felt about Jemma's cheating with her therapist she'd escaped to her favorite place. Near work there was a rooftop she had access to, a nice place that always helped her think. 

 

When she did get home, Jemma had moved to the couch to read. She seemed kind of off but Skye brushed it off as she slipped off her shoes.

 

"You've been gone quite a while." Jemma frowned, not taking her eyes off the book. 

 

"I went for a walk." Skye frowned back. She sounded angry. Had Skye done something wrong? Wracking her brain brought up no answers of how she could have upset Jemma. 

 

"Of course you did." Jemma scoffed. That took Skye by surprise. 

 

"What are you talking about?!" Skye furrowed her brows in confusion. Jemma huffed, closing her book. She stood up and pointed a finger angrily at Skye. 

 

"I'm not stupid, Skye. I'm actually far more intelligent and not nearly as dense as you seem to think. I know what's going on here." Jemma snapped. Skye was completely baffled at what Jemma was talking about. Confusion etched itself into her features.

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jem." Skye said. That seemed to anger Jemma even more and obviously was not the right answer. 

 

"I don't know who this man is that you've been.....shacking up with, but you could stand to be a bit more subtle." Jemma yelled, raising her voice louder than Skye had ever actually heard. 

 

Uh oh.

 

"I'm not 'shacking up' with anyone." Skye narrowed her eyes. "I can't exactly say the same about you."

 

"Wh-What?" That seemed to knock Jemma off kilter. 

 

"Drinks with Bobbi? Ringing any bells?" Skye moved forward and pulled Jemma's sweater down. Dark purple hickies mottled her collar bone in various shades. Jemma pulled away, yanking her sweater back up.

 

"You have absolutely no room to judge. This was one mistake, and I was drunk..." Jemma turned her gaze away from Skye. 

 

"What? You mean....." Skye trailed off, her face falling. "You know about Miles?"

 

"Of course I do! He sent me a blood photograph!" Jemma shouted. Skye faltered, unsure of what to say. She was going to kill Miles for doing that to poor Jemma. Then Jemma said something that threw Skye way off. "And now it's happening all over again."

 

"No, I haven't touched anyone but you since Miles." Skye said firmly. 

 

"Stop lying! I can smell his cologne all over you when you get home. You're not working late, that much is obvious." Jemma screamed, whirling to glare at Skye. Tears were streaming down her face. 

 

"I haven't been seeing anyone. I love you! I've been trying to make it up to you since I messed up. That's why I've been seeing a therapist. A therapist, Jemma! Not some guy who I could never love as much as I do you. I admit I deserve the Bobbi thing, but do not accuse me of lying to you. Not about this." Skye screamed right back. Her own eyes were welling up and she was fighting to keep the tears at bay. Jemma seemed completely dumbstruck. She didn't know what to say next and neither did Skye. They just stood there looking at each other. Until Jemma figured out what she was going to do next. 

 

"It's obvious we don't trust each other anymore and honestly I doubt we ever could again. I trust Bobbi far more than I do you. She's not even my girlfriend." Jemma finally said. Her words were slow and deliberate, as if unsure if she wanted to say them at all. Words that shattered Skye's heart, the breath being knocked out of her lungs. "You're not the woman I fell in love with. " 

 

Skye wanted to insist she loved Jemma, that she was sorry and she was trying to get better for her. That the insecurities were destroying her. She wanted to say she was doing all that she could to make sure Jemma was happy. How was she supposed to know she'd been doing just the opposite? 

 

She was stupid for thinking she could fix things. Jemma deserved so much better, and that's why she kept her mouth closed. Skye couldn't bring herself to say what she wanted to say, because even if Jemma still loved her she shouldn't. 

 

Skye's love was toxic, Jemma didn't need that in her life. 

 

(How was she supposed to know Jemma was drugged out and drunk for their fight? That her girlfriend was destroying herself, spiraling, just like Skye was. Their methods may have been different, but neither was headed down a safe path.)

 

No, instead Skye put her shoes back on and walked out, Jemma screaming after her. Running away again? Damn straight she was. 

 

Skye would do anything for Jemma, even if it meant hurting herself. 


	9. Long Periods of Sanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guysssss this quote is my favorite and it connects to the main quote of this entire fic. Ten points to the house that manages to get it ;)  
> This chapter is a little bit short because I'm lacking in plans for this and the next chapter, but don't you worry I have mighty big plans for the ending. What do y'all think is gonna go down? The last two chapters will be posted on the same night in honor of the finale. Then this fic will be done *sighs wistfully*. It's been quite the ride guys.
> 
> Triggers: More self hatred, drugs and alcohol. General depression symptoms and such.  
> *whispers* This chapter features a small cameo of a previous chapter ;)

_"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

Skye found herself crashing on Trip's couch, she had nowhere else to go. Her parents were too far away from work and none of the others were speaking to her. Bobbi seemed to be doing everything to avoid her in fact. Not that Skye blamed her. Probably for the best. Skye didn't even know what to say to the other woman. 

 

Especially since she stopped attending therapy.

 

Her therapist had calls dozens of times and left plenty of messages, Skye just couldn't bring herself to care. When she wasn't burying herself in work (read as guilt), she was drowning her sorrows (aka more guilt) in alcohol. Her coping skills had slowly deteriorated and she wasn't sure how to pick herself back up. After being knocked down once again, getting up seemed almost pointless. 

 

No matter what, Skye spent as little time at Trip's as possible. She hated the reminder she couldn't go home. She couldn't bring herself to retrieve much of her stuff or work on moving out. It wasn't like she had the resources to move out anyway, it was Skye's apartment first. 

 

Jemma just refused to leave, they had another screaming match just days after Skye had walked out. Jemma's words had burned themselves into her head. It only made her guilt worse. 

 

That and the pills. 

 

Jemma was popping pills like candy and chasing it with alcohol, much to Skye's dismay. Her former girlfriend insisted she was fine, Skye had caught her red handed. Really she just couldn't believe what she'd driven Jemma to. It was her fault, all of it. If she had just been honest and faithful from the beginning, maybe they could have been okay. 

 

Instead the two had broken up in one of the worst fights they'd ever had. Neither had seen the other so upset, and there was plenty of crying. Skye was honestly surprised the cops weren't called over their screaming. They had been unbelievably loud and Jemma had even thrown a few books. Fortunately Skye was the sober one, Jemma's aim off and Skye dodged the items easily. 

 

She'd only gone to pick up some clothes, a few personal items. Jemma was still smarting over their last fight though. When Skye finally got out she felt even worse than she had before. After dropping her stuff off, her first stop was the bar. 

 

Coping with alcohol, oh they were perfect for each other. 

 

Trip had gotten on her the next day at work, trying to urge her back to therapy. Skye just couldn't do it. Therapy had ruined her relationship, Skye had ruined it. Obviously she didn't deserve to be happy. Drowning in guilt seemed like a suitable punishment. 

 

Not that it was actually doing anyone any good. 

 

Trip hovered and worried, his friend was in a downward spiral. She seemed to be set in self destruct mode. It was like she wasn't even living anymore. She barely ate and when she did it was far from nutritious. A human couldn't survive solely on alcohol, coffee and a slice of pizza here and there. 

 

Finally Trip had enough, dragging a hungover Skye out of the house. He just needed her to do anything that didn't involve self destructing or sleeping on his couch. In his defense, the park really did seem like a good idea at the time. They even took Buddy!

 

How was he was supposed to know Jemma and Skye met at the same park?

 

"C'mon girl, breathe." Trip soothed, Skye sobbing in his arms. She was curled up on the bench, allowing Trip to hold her. Buddy whined, obviously worried about Skye and nudging at her with his wet nose. 

 

"This wasn't supposed to happen, I tried so hard." Skye choked, burying her face in his shoulder. Trip rubbed her back in hopes of helping her calm down. 

 

"I know you did, but that's not always enough. You'll be okay. Everything will be okay." He assured her. Skye clutched at his shirt, balling her fists at his chest. She couldn't bring herself to stop crying. 

 

 

_"The things you get me into." Jemma spoke first, after several beats of silence. There was a teasing lilt to her tone. Skye smiled, her chuckle vibrating through her chest and Jemma's back._

 

_"What would you do without me?" Skye grinned./_

 

 

That day at Coney Island had been more than Skye could have dreamed of, but maybe it wasn't Jemma that wouldn't know what to do without Skye. Maybe it was Skye who had no idea what she would do. 

 

Being without Jemma felt like she was missing half of herself, it felt wrong. It felt like she'd had her heart torn from her chest. 

 

"I should have tried harder." Skye whispered, sounding broken. Trip tensed slightly. He didn't like that, that didn't sound like Skye. In fact it almost sounded.....hallow. 

 

"Skye, maybe you should try therapy again?" Trip suggested gently. 

 

"No, not after what happened before." Skye whimpered, uncurling her fingers from his shirt. 

 

"Skye..." Trip started but Skye pulled away, extracting herself from Trip's arms. 

 

"Can we go back now?" It scared Trip how much Skye didn't sound like herself. She'd been growing increasingly off, but it was as if something had snapped inside of her in her latest confession.

 

Truthfully he wasn't all that far off.

 

##########

 

Bobbi watched carefully as Jemma paced the length of the living room. She was watching to make sure Jemma didn't collapse, something that grew in possibility the longer Bobbi watched. The shorter woman looked like she might give out at any moment. 

 

It wasn't like Bobbi was purposely avoiding Skye, it wasn't in her nature. She just was busy keeping an eye on Jemma. She felt bad for sleeping with Jemma, especially the way things had gone. The guilt was eating her alive but that's not what Jemma needed. Fitz was taking a break and trying to regroup with Mack.

 

Apparently Skye had called them and told them Jemma was popping pills. It was the only reason they'd talked to Skye at all. The small group of friends seemed to have split to sides, Fitz taking Jemma's. 

 

Bobbi was glad they'd heard Skye out anyway. Jemma was practically killing herself and none of them had noticed. Not even Fitz, which was especially scary. 

 

"I can't understand why she wouldn't tell me the truth. Instead she hid her actions like it was something to be ashamed of. What sorts of conclusions did she expect me to draw?" Jemma had been ranting, and rambling for the better part of the hour. Not that Bobbi minded per-say. If it helped Jemma feel better. She just wished the other woman was sober for it. 

 

Bobbi stayed quiet though, not wishing to be screamed at again. She'd learned that lesson the hard way when she'd first arrived. Luckily Jemma got over it pretty quickly. 

 

"I-I...." Jemma stopped in her tracks, shoulders slumping in defeat. The look that graced Jemma's features was one of despair. She just looked so sad and it hurt. Bobbi could remember when Jemma looked happy, so happy with Skye. 

 

"Hey, can I talk now?" Bobbi finally spoke, startling Jemma. Jemma had actually forgotten Bobbi was there. She'd been too caught up in her feelings over Skye and their breakup. It seemed like her above average intelligence was failing her. Finding a solution seemed impossible with the world seemingly fighting everything she tried. 

 

"Yes I apologize, Bobbi." Jemma wrung her hands, offering Bobbi an apologetic smile. 

 

"I....I think, no I know, I owe you an apology. I wasn't exactly responsible with you when we went out. You were totally vulnerable and I completely forgot about that. Sleeping with you was stupid and not fair to you. It's my fault, I'm sorry." Bobbi admitted, running a hand through her hair. The apology had been heavy on her mind since she heard of Skye and Jemma's break up. She really should have known better, she'd taken care of plenty of people in her life. Hell, she'd taken care of Jemma before. Never quite to that extent, but it had happened. Normally she tried to stay sober for it. "Plus you were on some serious meds and kinda messed up in the head. I know things haven't exactly been going well for you, not since the surgery." 

 

"Bobbi." Was all Jemma said before her legs gave out underneath her. Luckily Bobbi was quick and managed to catch her before she hit. Jemma broke down in her arms as Bobbi stroked her hair. "This wasn't your fault, Bobbi. It was mine and mine alone. If I hadn't of come to my own conclusions based on circumstantial evidence, or if I had allowed Skye to explain herself, perhaps our relationship wouldn't be in tatters. Bloody hell, sleeping with you was the most I felt like myself in so long but it was one of many poor decisions coming from a place of fear." Jemma's words were halting, sobs breaking them. Still she got her point across. 

 

"We need to get you help, Jem." Bobbi whispered, hugging Jemma close. Jemma only nodded and wrapped her arms tighter around Bobbi. It wasn't like she was wrong. Jemma wasn't doing very well, hadn't since her surgery if she was being honest with herself. She'd let herself become too dependent on looks for her happiness. It didn't help now caught up she'd gotten in Skye. 

 

Skye was her other half, her better half. That didn't mean their relationship was by any means healthy anymore. They'd let it get out of hand.

 

Once upon a time, they'd been so much happier. Jemma just needed to remember that when she finally got the help she needed. Skye was in therapy, Jemma needed to take her own steps. Her girlfriend had been working out her own insecurities. That's what they both needed. To truly love each other, they had to love themselves.

 

Jemma would just have to hold onto what used to be until then. 


	10. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter guys, and boy do I have a lot in store for y'all ;) Hopefully this finale doesn't kill us, but tomorrow before the episode the final chapter will be up. Hope y'all are excited as I am. It's been a fun ride and I'm so proud. 
> 
> Think of this chapter as an apology of sorts, yeah? ;)

_"Never to have suffered would never to have been blessed." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

"Guess who?" Jemma's voice rang out behind Skye, a pair of hands clapped over her eyes. 

 

"Huh, I wonder..... Fitz?" Skye joked, a grin spreading across her face. She was sitting at her laptop trying to finish up some work before they headed for the beach. Jemma seemed to be impatient and in a playful mood. 

 

"No, Skye. Try again!" Jemma giggled. She moved closer to her girlfriend's back and smiled brightly. 

 

"I just don't have a clue who it could be." Skye teased, turning in her seat to capture Jemma's lips. Then she made a noise as if to say 'Eureka!'. "Ohhhh, it's got to be Bobbi. Terrible kisser." Jemma swatted her arm, shaking her head in amusement. She dropped into Skye's lap and wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck. 

 

"You are infuriatingly impossible." Jemma smiled, her nose crinkling. Skye laughed harder, placing a quick peck on Jemma's nose. 

 

"You wouldn't have me any other way." Skye wiggled her eyebrows. 

 

"I suppose not." Jemma sighed dramatically, as if it was too much effort to agree. Then they both burst into ridiculous giggling. When they'd both caught their breath, Skye brushed a piece of hair behind Jemma's ear. 

 

"You're so beautiful, how did I get so lucky?" Skye stroked the pad of her thumb over Jemma's cheek. Jemma hummed in response, as if she was pondering the question.

 

"You must have excellent luck, I can't seem to understand it myself." Jemma teased. She leaned in to press their foreheads together. 

 

"What would I do without you?" Skye winked, kissing Jemma again. The two just sat like that for a while before Skye abruptly stood, Jemma falling to the ground with a thump.

 

"Skye!" Jemma shrieked, narrowing her eyes at her girlfriend. Skye laughed and wiggled her eyebrows. 

 

"C'mon, no more lazing about. Time to get to the beach!" Skye grinned holding out her hand. Jemma shot her a look before taking the hand and letting Skye pull her up. 

 

"Infuriating." Jemma muttered under her breath before moving with Skye to finish getting ready. 

 

About an hour later the two found themselves in their swim suits, standing in the warm sand of the beach. The sky was bright and blue, fluffy white clouds spattering the expanse. Seagulls called loudly, swooping through the air. Ocean waves crashed against the shore creating a soft roar. The sun was shining and it was a perfect day. With a light breeze whistling through their hair it wasn't uncomfortable. 

 

Jemma's freckles stood out against her shoulders as she basked in the sun. The two spread out a couple of beach towels to sprawl about. Skye loved Jemma's freckles and Jemma loved the sun. Jemma's eyes fell on the horizon, gazing out at the ocean as Skye spread sunblock over her girlfriend. 

 

"Look at it, Skye. Isn't it magnificent?" Jemma said wistfully, her smile soft but bright. Skye absolutely loved Jemma's smile, she fell in love with it a little more every time. The way it lit up her entire face and wherever she was at, made it truly special. 

 

"It is pretty awesome." Skye smiled back, her hands rubbing over Jemma's shoulders. Her girlfriend wasn't wrong, that's why the ocean was one of Skye's favorite things. The beach was one of her favorite places. 

 

Jemma turned on the beach blanket and set to work constructing a sand castle. Skye watched as Jemma's tongue poked through her mouth in concentration and her brows furrowed. It was adorable, how could one person be so beyond adorable? Eventually Skye decided to help and the two worked hard on their little sand castle. The only communication was Jemma's pointing and strange facial expressions. They managed to work well anyways. 

 

"Ta da!" Skye announced, sticking a leaf atop the castle. It wasn't very good, mostly misshaped and falling down. Still Jemma looked proud of the accomplishment. 

 

"Fit for a King." Jemma bobbed her head excitedly. Skye threw an arm around Jemma's shoulder. She gazed down at their creation grinning. 

 

"You bet it is." Skye agreed. Jemma nuzzled Skye's neck affectionately, her nose tickled Skye's neck and she laughed. The act felt right. Like Jemma and Skye were meant to me just like that. 

 

After a few moments Jemma stood up and grabbed her camera, heading for the water. Skye watched as her girlfriend snapped photos of everything. Jemma was a talented photographer. She had an eye for opportunities that would make stunning pictures. Skye had seen plenty to know how good Jemma was good. 

 

Jemma also always got lost in her photography. It left perfect moments for Skye to sneak up on Jemma. Her mind was always preoccupied with lighting and angles. This was a perfect example of one of those moments. Jemma stood at the edge of the water, pointing her camera at the horizon. Skye crept up behind her and wrapped her arms around Jemma's waist, lifting her short girlfriend off the ground. Jemma made a high pitched squeak that made Skye laugh so hard she almost dropped her. Leaning her head over Jemma's shoulder, Skye kissed Jemma's cheek. 

 

"Skye! You startled me!" Jemma frowned, craning her neck to give Skye a cross look. 

 

"That was the point, Jem." Skye chuckled, letting Jemma's feet hit the ground. Jemma didn't have a chance to get used to it though because Skye spun her around and picked her girlfriend up once again. 

 

"Skye you stop this at once!" Jemma shrieked. Her shrieks were pointless through and Skye maneuvered Jemma over her shoulder so she would have a better hold. "Remember when I said you were infuriating? This is exactly the behavior I was talking about." Jemma was sulking as she hung over Skye's shoulder. Skye was laughing so hard her sides hurt. 

 

"C'mon, loosen up a bit." Skye patted Jemma's butt. A light blush crept up Jemma's cheeks. Then her eyes lit up mischievously as Jemma moved her hands to tickle Skye's sides. Not one of her best plans considering Skye almost dropped her on her head. Skye shrieked and instead of dropping Jemma, they both ended up falling into the water instead. Luckily they were still at the edge and didn't get completely soaked, 

 

"I hate you." Jemma narrowed her eyes playfully, splashing water at Skye. Skye shook her head in amusement, splashing back. 

 

"No, you loveeeee meeeeee." Skye drew out the syllables dramatically. She even batted her eyes to add to the effect. 

 

"I certainly beg to differ." Jemma huffed. Skye winked before flopping back into the water over enthusiastically. There was a soft thump and Skye whined in pain. 

 

"My head hit a seashell." Skye mumbled, causing Jemma to crack up. Skye didn't mind all that much, they were having a nice time. They were happy. Skye wished she could see Jemma smile all the time. Seeing her girlfriend upset wasn't very fun, the smile was worth cheering her up. Always. 

 

"Serves you right." Jemma said when she finally got her breath. Her amusement at the situation was written all over her face.

 

"I'm glad you find my pain funny." Skye pouted, raising her head to glare at Jemma. Jemma rolled her eyes and Skye splashed water at Jemma 

 

"You're just fortunate you didn't her my camera wet." Jemma gestured to the camera hanging out her neck. Skye sat up and shrugged before standing from the water. 

 

"You hungry? I'm hungry, I'm starving." Skye asked, helping Jemma up. 

 

"You're always hungry, Skye." Jemma teased. 

 

"Maybe, but that's beside the point." Skye waggled a finger. They started back towards their towels to dry off. 

 

"If you insist." Jemma relented. Skye was very hungry and even if she was always hungry, there was still a simple way to solve her problem. There were plenty of cafes and diners near the beach. They could probably even find one that had tea for her very British girlfriend. 

 

Sure enough, they did just that and Jemma seemed pleased with her tea. Skye was just happy they had burgers and fries. She wolfed it down fairly quickly, Jemma making muttered comments about choking and giving her warning looks. Skye ignored them though and ate at her own pace. 

 

"Would you like to head back to the hotel after we're finished? Rest and find a movie of sorts." Jemma suggested, sipping at her tea. 

 

"Yeah, sounds like a plan. We can always go out shopping or something tonight." Skye nodded. Jemma hummed her approval and sipped at her tea. After finishing they walked, or in Jemma's case rode, to the hotel. Jemma had insisted she was tired and if Skye wanted her to move she was going to have to piggy back her there. A better idea in theory, but they got there eventually. 

 

"I love you!" Jemma giggled as Skye catapulted face first into the bed, grumbling about Jemma being heavy. 

 

"Yeah, yeah. Love you too.....I guess." Skye's words came out muffled. Jemma knelt on the bed and straddled Skye before she started pressing kisses to her neck. 

 

"How about I make it up to you?" Jemma whispered, seductively. Skye made a strange noise before turning her head slightly. 

 

"Nope, too tired." Skye laughed. Jemma rolled her eyes and threw herself down beside Skye. 

 

"Fine, nap time?" Jemma suggested. Skye made grabby hand motions and Jemma obliged by moving into her girlfriend's arms. 

 

"Love you." Skye murmured snuggling into Jemma. Jemma snuggled back, a content smile on her face. Letting her eyes close, Jemma basked in Skye's warmth. Skye was happy and she was content, she loved her girlfriend so much. They were happy, they were absolutely perfect. 

 

Jemma pressed a kiss to Skye's lips. A content smile spread across Skye's own face as she allowed her eyelids to droop. She let herself drift off.....

 

_Skye's eyes blinked open against the harsh sunlight filling the room. She was sprawled across a couch that seemed foreign for a moment. Then she remembered where she was, and she cried. Cried harder than she had since they'd broken up. Her chest hurt and her lungs struggled with oxygen. Everything hurt and she just wanted it to stop. Curling in a ball, she prayed for it to stop._

 

_Skye was so tired of being in pain._


	11. The Flood Destroyed It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* Please don't kill me.....  
> This is it guys, the final chapter. I'm so unbelievably proud of what I've accomplished and I hope you guys have enjoyed my work. The ride has been worth it
> 
> (I totally put on Sweet Victory while putting this chapter up hehe)
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Mentions of abuse, suicidal thoughts, drugs

_"We loved with a love that was more than love." -Edgar Allan Poe_

 

 

**It started with a puddle, it ended with a storm and somewhere along the way a flood destroyed everything in it's path.**

 

Jemma didn't know exactly what she planned, but she knew she needed help. Bobbi promised to help of course. She couldn't do it on her own and she needed to be better before she could talk to Skye once again. That was her overall goal. She would get better, be happier and then she could be with Skye again.

 

If she wanted her.

 

First she had to get better which involved Bobbi dragging her to a doctor. Jemma was lucky to have Bobbi. Her friend was determined to stick by her. Even if it was only to 'make up' for sleeping with Jemma, Jemma still appreciated it. In fact, she appreciated all the help Bobbi and her other friends had offered. When Fitz found out she wanted to get help he was all about helping. 

 

Things were starting to look up for Jemma, they really were. 

 

(If only she knew Skye was destroying herself with guilt, maybe she could have stopped it all.)

 

Jemma didn't know anything about Skye's situation. Just that she'd been moping on Trip's couch since the breakup. Jemma assumed she was still going to therapy, that when she was better Skye would be too. 

 

That's how Jemma found herself standing outside of the doors to a church. It was a towering monstrosity with glittery stained glass. The doors were intimidating and Jemma couldn't bring herself to go inside. 

 

"You've got this, Jem." Bobbi laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Bobbi herself had been to a few meetings herself, for reasons she wouldn't tell Jemma about. It did feel comforting to have her friend there though. 

 

"Right, of course." Jemma bobbed her head and pushed open the doors. There was a room set up with a ring of metal, folding chairs and a refreshments table situated at the back. Bobbi and Jemma took seats next to each other as more people filed in. 

 

"This is going to be good for you, I swear. I'm pretty sure these things helped me turn my life around better than anything else." Bobbi explained, smiling politely at the people who looked her way. Jemma folded her hands in her lap, chewing on her lip. She glanced at the people who joined them but didn't smile even when they did. The group was diverse in every way. The lady that took the other seat beside Jemma looked like she just walked out of a courtroom or was some big business CEO.

 

"I'm seeing a lot of new faces here today, welcome!" A balding, middle aged man stood up in front of one of the chairs. He smiled at everyone kindly and Jemma felt some of her anxiousness melt away. "Would anyone like to start us off today?" He offered. Jemma chewed on her lip but Bobbi nodded her head. 

 

"I'm trying to help my friend, so if you don't mind....?" Bobbi nodded towards the man. He gestured for her to stand and then sat down himself. Bobbi stood up and smiled at everyone. "I'm Bobbi, and I'm an addict." There was a quiet chorus of hellos. "I've been clean for....wow going on ten years now." Quite a number of people applauded and Bobbi's smile grew. Jemma couldn't help her own smile. "Yeah, I'm pretty proud. Though considering how young I was when I started, it doesn't feel that long. Nowadays it's not as hard as when I first tried getting clean, but it's not completely gone. Still haven't managed to cut out alcohol." Bobbi chuckled and the others chuckled along.

 

Jemma listened as Bobbi talked about her experiences getting clean, the reason she started drugs to begin with. Bobbi's father was an asshole who treated her mother and her like trash. A sexist jerk who wasn't happy until her little brother came along. No one seemed to notice when she got addicted to drugs and picked up a less than legal job to pay for her stash. Luckily Hunter, who had his own issues with alcohol, helped her get clean. Bobbi didn't go into great detail with everything, but Jemma still felt connected. 

 

That's why when Bobbi sat down, Jemma got up and did what she did best. She talked. Everyone listened intently, something Jemma didn't realize how badly she needed, and even added murmured words of support. It felt nice to get it off her chest. She even talked about her insecurities after her surgery, how her relationship with Skye just fell apart and how it seemed like things were finally starting to look up. When she finished she felt infinitely better and one of the women in the group offered another support group for breast cancer survivors. 

 

After the meeting when everyone was talking and chatting, milling around the refreshments, Bobbi patted Jemma on the back. 

 

"You did it, Jemma. This is the first step." Bobbi grinned and Jemma couldn't help but grin back. Bobbi moved to get them both a cookie and Jemma pulled out her phone. She typed out a quick text and smiled. She missed Skye, she wanted to talk to her. She couldn't stand not being able to see her anymore. 

 

'I can't do this anymore.' 

 

It didn't occur to her that Skye might need clarification. She was too happy for it to even cross her mind that Skye might be in a dark place. That the text wasn't well thought out.

 

##############

 

_Lightning cracked across the sky, thunder growling loudly. Rain fell in heavy sheets and blanketed anything it could touch. Dark, ominous clouds smothered any bit of sunshine that dared to try to peek out. The wind whipped whatever it could wrap it's icy tendrils around, as harshly as it could. The storm battered the city and drove the rational person inside._

 

It was storming outside. One of the worst storms the city had seen in quite some time. Most people rushed around Skye, headed towards various buildings. Skye's pace was slow, heavy and if anyone paid close enough attention they would have been worried. 

 

No one seemed to notice the broken woman enter one of the buildings, they didn't even notice when she came out onto the roof. Everyone was far too busy and Skye wasn't noticeable enough. Not at a quick glance. If someone looked hard enough they could see the dark circles around her eyes, the skinniness of someone who forgot to eat and the pallor of her skin. She didn't look healthy, mentally or physically. 

 

She looked empty. 

 

It was like all the joy had been sucked out of her and she was so broken beyond repair there was no fixing her. This was a woman who had let guilt eat her alive. 

 

Her therapist had called it depression while Skye refused to acknowledge it as so. She was just broken hearted. Nothing more than that. 

 

"Then why are you on a roof?" Skye muttered to herself, wiping tears from her eyes. It was all too much. Too much for her to handle. Losing herself in her head wasn't doing her any favors. She only felt worse and then the text. Jemma didn't want her anymore. Not that Skye blamed her, who would? It just hurt, it hurt more than she could stand and she was tired of the pain. 

 

Stepping up onto the ledge was her last selfish decision. 

 

It was time for her to make a choice, because she couldn't do it anymore either.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* shhhh fret not and stay tuned, I might have an ace up my sleeve ;)


	12. The Fairytale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending Possibility One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so originally I was going to leave the fic as is, I couldn't decide on how I wanted to end it. My friends convinced me to write various endings and post them all and so here's this one. I'll post them from best ending to worst as rated by my dear friend Issa. 
> 
> This is the happiest ending.
> 
> Triggers: Suicide

Jemma stepped out of the church, feeling much better about everything. Skye hadn't responded to her text, which worried her. A police siren screamed in the distance but Jemma didn't think much of it. Until Trip called. 

 

"Jemma, have you seen Skye?" Trip sounded out of breath and scared. 

 

"No, I haven't. Why?" Jemma grew worried. Had something happened? Maybe she was just out for a walk. Skye did have a habit of disappearing without telling people where she was going. 

 

"I can't find her anywhere." Trip said before swearing under his breath. Jemma was about to say something more when Bobbi placed a firm hand on her arm. The expression on her friend's face made her heart drop. Her eyes were watery and her face pale, as if she was as scared as Trip sounded. 

 

"Jemma, I found Skye." She whispered before pointing. A lone, shadowy figure stood at the edge of one of the buildings across the street. A dozen or so people had stopped to point. The rain pounded the pavement and yet people gawked. Sirens grew closer and Jemma realized why they were coming.

 

Then she ran.

 

Jemma took off across the street and climbed the stairs two at a time. The ground was slippery from the rain and Jemma practically skidded onto the rooftop. 

 

"Skye?" Jemma called out gently, trying to keep from startling the woman. It was definitely Skye, despite her brown hair sticking to her head and her back to Jemma. Jemma recognized the jacket she was wearing. Skye didn't look at her when she called. Her eyes were glued on the ground below her. "Skye please?"

 

"Jem?" Skye's voice sounded small and broken. It didn't sound like her at all. 

 

"Skye, please step down." Jemma stepped closer to the taller woman. Skye turned her head too look at Jemma. She looked surprised, as if it never occurred to her Jemma would show up. 

 

"What are you doing here? I thought you were done with..." Skye hesitated before finishing. "Us."

 

"What? No of course not, Skye. I could never be done with us. With you. I love you too much. I meant I couldn't be apart from you any longer. I've missed you." Jemma outstretched a hand, offering it to Skye who reluctantly took it. Jemma immediately pulled her off the edge and into opened arms. Skye clung to Jemma as Jemma let out a sob of relief she didn't realize she had been holding back. Skye broke down crying in her arms, so Jemma just held her. Held her tighter than she ever had before. Neither had any plans of going anywhere soon. Even if the rain was drenching them both. 

 

"I'm sorry." Skye whimpered. "It was all my fault." 

 

"No, Skye. My actions were my own fault and mine alone." Jemma pressed a kiss to Skye's head. Tears mixed with rain as they slid down her cheeks. Relief. "I love you Skye, so much." She added, because it seemed like Skye needed to hear that.

 

"I love you too. Jem. Please don't leave me." Skye fisted Jemma's jacket.

 

"Never again, love. Never again." Jemma whispered, letting her eyes close as she held her girlfriend. 

 

They would get better together. 

 


	13. Poe Would Be Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending Possibility 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the darkest chapter of all......
> 
> Triggers: Suicide, also well murder

Everyone makes decisions in their lives that affect the path they end up on. Different decisions, different paths. Jemma had always taken comfort in that. She liked the idea that nothing was set in stone and at any point things could change. Unfortunately it could have it's negative side effects. Most things did. Like a ripple in the water perhaps. 

 

Jemma never imagined the decisions she made in her life would lead to this. Nothing had ever prepared her for what she would become or how her life would end up playing out. Not even when Skye entered her life. 

 

Yet there she was, sitting and stewing in a cell for the murder of her girlfriend. 

 

A murder she hadn't committed, not purposefully. Skye had thrown _herself_ off the building. Somehow witnesses said otherwise. Jemma had pushed her, angry at Skye. That certainly wasn't true and Jemma knew that. No one else seemed to though. No one wanted to believe her despite the teary protests. 

 

It seemed like just yesterday, but it had been several weeks since then. Several weeks of Jemma locked away with only her thoughts. Maybe they were right. Maybe she was a murderer. Not directly of course. However it was her fault Skye thought it necessary to kill herself and Jemma hadn't been able to stop her. 

 

Hmm, perhaps if they wanted a murderer she could give them one. Not like it would be that hard. Jemma was a scientist first and foremost. She knew the ins and outs of forensic science if only on a basic scale.

 

They let her stew in that cell and witnesses spoke of what they saw at the trial. Her friends even tried to help. She wasn't even sure how many of them believed her anymore.

 

She got out anyway, minimal evidence and conflicting stories weren't going to cut it. No worries however, she would give them a reason to lock her up. Not that she had plans to get caught. 

 

Jemma ignored the darkness that was eating her alive. Once upon a time Jemma Simmons had been light and sunny, one of the things Skye had loved most about her. No one knew Jemma's light had become Skye. A ray of sunshine in the darkness her life had become. 

 

When that light had been snuffed out, when she had accidentally killed her sunshine, that's when the darkness starting taking over. At first it felt like icy tendrils wrapping around her heart, but it didn't take long for it to feel comfortable. A nice improvement to the pain. 

 

Miles was first, the obvious first victim. Logic told her not to kill people she knew but that was beside the point. Apparently she cared more about her vendetta than getting caught after all. 

 

Fitz got in her way, too smart for his own good. He always had been and Jemma knew she would have to take care of him. Unfortunately Fitz and Mack were a pair. They had to go down together. 

 

Bobbi got in her way too, much to Jemma's dismay. Such a waste of potential. Jemma almost felt sorry when she plunged the knife into her friend's chest. Almost. 

 

Jemma had her fun, too much fun. Who knew Jemma Simmons could be a killer? A killer who eventually killed more for fun than revenge.

 

Oh well, wouldn't Skye be proud?


	14. Too Little, Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending Possibility 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sad ending, but not the worst by far. 
> 
> Triggers: Suicide

Jemma couldn't breathe. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as she struggled to gasp in a breath. With her head pounding she could hardly think. She was only partially aware of what was going on around her. Sirens screamed and people yelled, but Jemma just stood there staring. 

 

Things had changed too quickly, she scarcely had time to catch up. She had left the meeting happy only to be greeted with a handful of emergency vehicles. People were pointing and whispering, but Jemma had no idea what was going on.

 

Until Trip called because he couldn't find Skye and Bobbi appeared with a sheet white expression. Then it all fell apart. If Bobbi hadn't of caught her once again she was pretty sure her knees would have paid the price. Her legs had gone out from under her. 

 

No.

 

Skye couldn't be dead. There was no way she was dead. Skye loved her and she loved Skye, they belonged together. It wasn't happening.

 

Except it was and Jemma's world had fallen apart. Which left her curled up in her bed, nose buried in an old sweatshirt of Skye's. 

 

It still smelled like her. The distinctly Skye smell that brought Jemma comfort through thick and thin. Even when they were broken up Jemma had things smelling of Skye. Mostly it helped her feel like Skye was holding her again. Just like after Jemma's surgery. How many nights had they spent curled together? Too many to count. Probably more than the nights they'd spent alone. 

 

Skye was gone.

 

She would never make fun of Jemma being British, or pick some lame movie on Netflix again. No more of those eyes Jemma fell in love with, or the cheeky grin that usually had Jemma's sides splitting with laughter. No more whispered I love you's when Jemma felt her worst. 

 

Jemma would even give to have the fighting back if it meant Skye was alive. She'd rather have her angry than not at all. 

 

No, she'd thrown herself off a building because of Jemma. 

 

They found her phone on the ground not far from where she hit. Skye had thrown it off before she got on the ledge.

 

Right after she got Jemma's text. 

 

"Oh Skye, I'm so sorry." Jemma sobbed, her chest hurting so much. 

 

Bobbi had said this wasn't what Skye would want, but Skye was dead. How would Bobbi know that? Besides what Skye would want didn't matter. She gave that up when she killed herself. 

 

Trip said it was guilt, guilt had driven Skye up to that roof and off the edge. Guilt over what she had pushed Jemma into. Of course he told this to Bobbi when he didn't think Jemma was listening. Jemma cried harder that night than she had when she found out Skye was dead.

 

Jemma glanced at the photograph on her night table. Skye was beaming in it, the light perfect and the scene magical. Her arm was thrown around Jemma who was kissing her cheek. For a picture taken with her phone camera it was her favorite. She was more proud of it than any of the others. It was taken at the beach when they were in New York. The love between them was just so radiant. 

 

"I thought you loved me." Jemma whispered. She stroked the pad of her index finger over Skye's cheek. Picking it up, she tucked it to her chest and cried.

 

If this pain was half of what Skye had felt, she could understand her actions. 


	15. Romeo and Juliet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending Possibility 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title says it??? Just be prepared, also shortest because I wrote it last and I was lazy.
> 
> Triggers: Suicide

"Skye darling, please. Don't do this." Jemma was pleading, her hand outstretched towards Skye. She was standing just by the edge. Edging closer, she was almost within reaching distance of Skye. Skye had turned just barely to face Jemma, her feet firmly planted on the slippery concrete. 

 

"Jemma, I'm sorry. I just can't anymore." Skye whispered, her arms wrapped around herself. 

 

"I love you too much to lose you." Jemma said. She was trying to edge closer, she had to get Skye off the edge. She couldn't bear to lose the love of her life. Not with all the trouble life had thrown her way. 

 

Jemma was going to save Skye if it was the last thing she did. 

 

"I love you too, don't you get it? That's why I have to do this." Skye cried. Jemma couldn't stand the look on her face. She was hurting so much. Much more than Jemma ever could have imagined. She was on a roof wasn't she? You didn't just end up suicidal without having enormous amounts of pain. It took a very specific frame of mind. 

 

"It'd hurt more to lose you! I can't do this without you, Skye." Jemma stepped up onto the edge and placed a hand on Skye's arm. Skye moved to hesitantly take it. Except Skye forgot how slippery the edge was. Before, it hadn't really mattered. Then she decided she was going to get back to Jemma. Trying to move off of it was harder than she thought it would be. Especially with Jemma not on the solid ground. 

 

Her feet slipped and Jemma tried to help. It briefly occurred to her Skye was going to pull her down with her, but she just didn't care. She tried to grab Skye. She tried to save her. 

 

Skye was going to get down and she slipped. They both slipped, it was an accident. 

 

People often say your life flashes before your eyes. Jemma didn't really notice. She just barely managed to wrap her hand around Skye's. They fell together and they died together. 

 

Together forever, just how they would have wanted it. 

 

Jemma would have much rather been with Skye than without her. Living without her love seemed like torture.

 

She tried, she tried so hard and that's what mattered. 

 

When you're dead, you're gone and you're not coming back. Being dead meant no regrets. Your death did affect those you surrounded yourself with though.

 

Bobbi and Trip were never the same again, especially not Bobbi who saw them fall. 


	16. Only Just a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending Possibility 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm most proud of this one, it's the most heart wrenching :D
> 
> Triggers: Suicide

"They're yours before six." Skye grumbled, burying her head in her pillow. Two tiny bodies had somehow wiggled into the space between Skye and Jemma. Then Levi had proceeded to throw himself over Jemma while Reagan poked and prodded at Skye's face. 

 

"They get it from you." Jemma opened her eyes to be greeted with a cherub face right next to hers. Not frightening at all. 

 

"'Ake up, Mummy!" Levi pouted, his shaggy hair falling in his eyes. It was getting too long and could probably use a trim. At least the front. Reagan had the same problem, bangs falling in her eyes. Honestly they could both use a haircut but Jemma loved their curls too much. Not to mention they were only about two and a half. 

 

"I'm up, Levi. Don't you worry." Jemma sat up and cuddled Levi into her arms. Reagan was much too occupied with trying to get Skye to give her attention. 

 

"Up, Mommy, up!" Reagan whined, pulling at Skye's cheek. Skye couldn't help the smile that cracked across her face. Reagan was ever the little spitfire. Much too smart for her own good if Skye said so. Jemma called it healthy curiosity. 

 

"You sure about that, Bean?" Skye quickly sat up and enveloped Reagan into her arms, mercilessly tickling the little girl. Reagan shrieked and squealed with laughter. Music to Skye's ears, hearing her kids laugh was her favorite part of the morning. 

 

"Mommy no nice!" Levi pouted, jutting out his bottom lip. Jemma laughed at his expression and his attempt to scramble over the bed. Skye caught him up in her arm and squeezed him to her side while continuing her assault on her daughter.

 

"Nice try, little man. I thought Aunty Bobbi taught you better." Skye teased. Levi stuck her tongue out at Skye. 

 

"You're impossible, Skye. They get it from you." Jemma tutted, amusement dancing in her eyes. Something mischievous glinted in there too. 

 

"It's not all my fault. I'm sure you taught them a thing or two. I'm going to keep that in mind next time I find a frog in the fridge." Skye grinned, laughing as the twins squirmed. Jemma couldn't help but giggle. Of course Skye was right, Jemma often encouraged the twins with science experiments. Unfortunately Reagan thought that meant hiding a frog in the fridge to play with later. 

 

"Of course, Skye." Jemma winked. Skye chuckled before handing Levi over to Jemma.

 

"Why don't you go change stinky and I'll start breakfast with this one." Skye suggested, lifting Reagan up in her arms. Reagan laughed and gave Skye a sloppy cheek kiss. "Don't want you accidentally burning down the house." She teased. Jemma scrunched up her nose as Skye got out of bed. She waggled her eyebrows and took off, Reagan on her hip.

 

"Infuriating!" Jemma grumbled. Levi blinked up at Jemma innocently, smiling. Jemma kissed his curls before climbing out of bed herself. Infuriating, Skye and the kids. She was grateful for them especially after almost losing Skye to her own hand years before. 

 

_Jemma woke with a start, sweat soaking through her clothes. It took her a moment to recognize her surroundings. She had to remember where she was. When she did though, she started crying because none of it was real. God, she missed her girlfriend. She wanted what they might of had._

 

_It wasn't fair._

 

_If only she could have actually saved her._

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was in second person, the following chapter will be in third and most from then on will be. Unless y'all like the second I'll probably avoid use of it for the most part, though I do enjoy writing it. 
> 
> Please do tell me what you think!


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